Self Confidence

I don't have the nicest body in the world.

Actually...

Saying that,

is an understatement.

Since having babies,

my body has never gone back to normal.

I'm not going to lie,

I had a really hard time with it after Avery because

1- I didn't have anything to show for it

and

2- I was very self conscious about what my future husband would think. I felt like he was being jipped.

My skin isn't the kind of skin that easily stretches, and jumps back to normal afterwards.

No,

My skin...hates to stretch.

The stretch marks I had after Avery were beyond crazy.

I had extra skin that just hung there with the more weight I lost.

The ONLY way to get rid of this is by a tummy tuck,

and quite honestly,

why waste my money on that ESPECIALLY when I'm planning on having more kids?

After dating Tyson

and getting married,

he quickly made the fears and insecurities I had about my body go away.

He made me feel sexy. Like I was the hottest girl in the world.

Then,

I found out I was pregnant.

we were obviously SOO ecstatic.

It was hard to see MORE stretch marks come...which I thought was seriously not even possible.

my stomach is literally COVERED..

NOW,

since she's been born.

The other day, I took a bath.

I have lost my belly a lot quicker with this pregnancy than I did with the last.

I think that has something to do with breastfeeding...but who knows for sure?

Anyway,

I was lying there in the bath and I just started crying.

I started thinking about how much I hate my body. I don't understand why it can't just be like MOST women. I work at the hospital and I know that most women don't have this problem to the extent that I do.

Tyson walked in while I was taking a bath and I asked him not to look at me.

I wanted to stay covered up forever. All this extra skin is ridiculous.

The next day,

I was crying again about it.

I can't hide it with my clothes anymore because it's so bad.

Tyson finally intervined.

He told me that he loves me and that I shouldn't care so much about my body cause he thinks I'm hot! :) haha

Really,

I only care about his opinon.

in all honesty.

He's the only one that I want to be sexy for.

and if he thinks I am, then I need to CHILL.

Obviously I need to stay in shape and eat healthy,

but why worry so much about things that I can't control?

I started thinking about how I'm really lucky.

just because my body isn't the most attractive thing in the world,

it's worth it when I look at Kali.

I would prefer to have crappy unstretchable skin,

than to not have her.

If having babies does this to my body,

then SO BE IT.

It's hard to be grateful for the big things

when I am staring at my body...

but when I step back and look at the big picture,

it's all worth it and I wouldn't change it for the WORLD.

So,

BRING ON THE STRETCH MARKS AND THE FLABBY SKIN!

because what I get out of it...

...is SO more than worth it.