Sunday, May 22, 2011

Self Confidence

I don't have the nicest body in the world.

Saying that,
is an understatement.

Since having babies,
my body has never gone back to normal.

I'm not going to lie,
I had a really hard time with it after Avery because

1- I didn't have anything to show for it
2- I was very self conscious about what my future husband would think. I felt like he was being jipped.

My skin isn't the kind of skin that easily stretches, and jumps back to normal afterwards.
My skin...hates to stretch.

The stretch marks I had after Avery were beyond crazy.
I had extra skin that just hung there with the more weight I lost.
The ONLY way to get rid of this is by a tummy tuck,
and quite honestly,
why waste my money on that ESPECIALLY when I'm planning on having more kids?

After dating Tyson
and getting married,

he quickly made the fears and insecurities I had about my body go away.
He made me feel sexy. Like I was the hottest girl in the world.

I found out I was pregnant.
we were obviously SOO ecstatic.

It was hard to see MORE stretch marks come...which I thought was seriously not even possible.
my stomach is literally COVERED..

since she's been born.
The other day, I took a bath.

I have lost my belly a lot quicker with this pregnancy than I did with the last.
I think that has something to do with breastfeeding...but who knows for sure?

I was lying there in the bath and I just started crying.
I started thinking about how much I hate my body. I don't understand why it can't just be like MOST women. I work at the hospital and I know that most women don't have this problem to the extent that I do.

Tyson walked in while I was taking a bath and I asked him not to look at me.
I wanted to stay covered up forever. All this extra skin is ridiculous.

The next day,
I was crying again about it.
I can't hide it with my clothes anymore because it's so bad.

Tyson finally intervined.
He told me that he loves me and that I shouldn't care so much about my body cause he thinks I'm hot! :) haha

I only care about his opinon.
in all honesty.
He's the only one that I want to be sexy for.

and if he thinks I am, then I need to CHILL.
Obviously I need to stay in shape and eat healthy,
but why worry so much about things that I can't control?

I started thinking about how I'm really lucky.
just because my body isn't the most attractive thing in the world,
it's worth it when I look at Kali.
I would prefer to have crappy unstretchable skin,
than to not have her.

If having babies does this to my body,
then SO BE IT.

It's hard to be grateful for the big things
when I am staring at my body...
but when I step back and look at the big picture,
it's all worth it and I wouldn't change it for the WORLD.


because what I get out of it... SO more than worth it.


  1. I think all of us go through that. I think we always will at least to some degree. Besides, sweetie you just had a baby. I know there are some of those that seem like they bounce back right away. With it being your 2nd it might take a bit longer. If it doesn't happen sounds like you have a husband that loves you just the way you are and like you said you little girl was worth it. Sounds like you are SO amazingly blessed. You have an absolute doll for a baby girl. Seriously she is darling. You have admit you two make very cute babies. :O) Also, by all that I have read about Tyson on here, it sounds like you found and you have a very amazing young man that is your husband. He might need to teach a class to some of the guys out there. :O)

  2. Amen sister. Haha! We need to get together soon so you can see how absolutely horrific my belly is! You'll feel much better about yours! Seriously I don't have stretchable skin either. Like not even a teeny tiny bit. Stupid genetics! My stupid belly got all stretched and now it hangs stupid. UGH! Haha! But seriously so worth it! I would not trade my kids for anything!
    I love watching you go through this. First time moms are the best, but you are so much more mature than most first time moms I see. You're more mature than I was with Nate that's for sure! Breastfeeding is the best huh! I don't always love it, but I always love how readily available it is! It's the one time in their lives you know that you are feeding them the absolute healthiest thing they can eat. Then when they're done you have to start worrying about it haha!