Wednesday, January 11, 2017

You cannot have Faith without having Hope.

We have some big changes coming in our family and I'm not just referring to a new baby. 
Without being too personal since this is, in fact, on the internet, 
I need somewhere to share this so that I don't forget it. 

We are about to take a big risk as a family. 
The biggest risk we've made in our entire marriage and I'm scared!
Mostly because I am such a control freak. 
I have such an intense need to control everything in my life, 
and with what is about to happen, 
I have to let my control go, and put more faith in my husband. 

Tyson is an incredible husband and I trust him more than anyone else. 
However, because of my personality, it's hard for me to just let go and not have an incredible anxiety attack in the process. 

I've been praying, getting advice from others, reading scriptures and reading talks on to help me with this and while I was reading a talk by elder H. Bruce Stucki of the seventy, I came across the scripture Moroni 7:33 

 33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.

and then I kept reading: 

37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.

 39 But behold, my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, for I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not fit to be numbered among the people of his church.
 40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?
 41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
 42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.
I'm so grateful because I feel like this has helped me so much. 
Tyson was talking to me a few months ago about how faith and hope go hand in hand and these scriptures reminded me of what we talked about. 

I've been such a pessimist about this new path we are taking. 
I have been so convinced and certain that something will go wrong, 
what we are talking about is too good to be true, 
and have had a hard time believing that the good that will come of this is really going to happen. 

I've played through every worst case scenario in my head and focused on those and stressed and stressed about them. 

After reading these scriptures tonight, 
I have realized that I need to have more hope. 
I need to give my worries and stresses to the Lord,
and I need to have more faith that it's going to work out. 

It's going to be SO hard to do, 
But I know it will be good for me

it will be a great learning experience regardless of the outcome.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

That time I almost died

the title may be a little dramatic, 
but in all reality, it could've happened.

As I mentioned previously,
I had to be put on an IV earlier in this pregnancy. 
I couldn't keep anything down.

The nurse that came the first day to start my IV,
didn't give me as much information as she should have in order to make sure I knew how to properly change the tubing every day.

Let's just skim past the part that I used to be a CNA and should have enough medical knowledge to keep myself safe from situations like this, 
but I'm going to try to make myself look better by blaming the pregnancy brain okay?

It was the day after I received my IV.
it was a Saturday and while Tyson would normally be home,
he'd just left to have his tires changed on his car. 

I was in bed (it was around noon),
but this was the new normal because I'd been so sick.
My girls were going back and forth between playing in their playroom, the family room, and cuddling with me. 

I had to change my IV line for the first time and figured it'd be simple enough.
I wasn't told I needed to flush it or anything,
and again, let's forget about my previous medical experience.

So, after I got the line all hooked up, I couldn't figure out why it wasn't starting.
So I grabbed one of the syringes that you use to properly flush it, (With everything being unlocked),
and instead of unlocking both sides, I just unlocked one. 
This resulted in a gigantic air bubble in the tube.

It crossed my mind for maybe a second that this might not be a good thing,
but I just ignored it when it didn't seem to feel any different as it went into my arm.

The IV started flowing,
so I just grabbed my phone,
made myself as comfortable as possible,
and started playing a game. 

About 20-30 seconds went by when Kali walked in to ask me a question. 
I started responding when I had to cough.
But when I did cough, it didn't fix the problem. 
It started getting worse and worse to the point where I couldn't breathe.

I was trying to cough out the misery I felt in my chest, 
but it wasn't working and it got so bad that I started throwing up
(luckily I had my precious puke bowl right next to me).

Even throwing up wasn't working and at this point I could barely get a breath in between the violent coughing that was now forcing it's way out of me. 

I started to panic and called Tyson telling him he needed to come home NOW.
He couldn't.
his car was already being worked on so he was stranded.
I then called my mom and tried to explain that I needed her here and while my attempts to speak were  becoming less and less simple, she understood and said she'd be right over.

Kali, who watched me start coughing,
ran into the kitchen and brought me back some water 
(I didn't ask for this you guys. She was trying to help me and it was the sweetest thing. I am so touched by how loving and helpful she always is.)

I could barely take enough short breaths to keep breathing at this point and thought I was going to die. 
I knew I wasn't getting the oxygen I needed and was beginning to worry that my baby was going to die as well. So I called 911. 

As I was forcing out my words to the operator,
I began to feel like I could breath a little better.
While I was still violently coughing,
I wasn't puking anymore and I could get in enough air to at least form a sentence. 

I began to feel like maybe I would be okay and kindly apologized to the 911 operator and told him to cancel the call. The last thing I wanted was to cause a scene for my neighbors. especially if it wasn't necessary.

As soon as I hung up the phone,
the doorbell rang.

It was our next door neighbors who said that Tyson had called and asked them to come check on me. 
I was pretty shaken up and although I could not form sentences, I was still really freaked out. 
 so my neighbor gave me a blessing.

As soon as it was over, I felt back to normal. I all of the sudden felt like nothing had even happened.

It was the strangest experience. 
I am not positive that the air in the tube is what caused that episode,
but there is nothing else I can think of that would have made that happen so randomly.
It scared me! 
I felt so stupid for not thinking about what could happen if air got into my blood stream.

The nurse that came that day,
insisted that if I had gotten air in the line,
that I wouldn't have been able to catch my breath again and the paramedics would've had to intervene.

But I'm not convinced.
I really believe that air in the line is what caused that "episode".
there's absolutely nothing else that it could've been.
The nurse said I could've been having a panic attack,
but there was nothing that would've caused a panic attack at that moment. 

It hadn't even crossed my mind that the air in the tube could've been the factor until after the fact.
I was relaxing in my bed.
I had no reason to be having a panic attack. 

I just had to document my stupidity/my near death experience 😂😂

Pregnancy Update.

Since I'm now 31 weeks pregnant,
I thought I should probably give a little info on how it's going!

As I mentioned in the previous post,
we are having ANOTHER girl!!!

It's all we know how to make, but I'm totally fine with it because it's also all I know.
haha. To be honest, while Tyson REALLY wanted a boy,
I was a little nervous about it because it would've been a whole new ball game for me and completely different.
and because I hadn't been 100% about having another baby at first, the thought of having a boy just brought on a weird type of anxiety. Not that I wouldn't absolutely ADORE HIM, 
It would have just been out of my comfort zone at first. 

This pregnancy has definitely been something else. 
I was sick sick sick with Kali, but it was nothing compared to how I felt this time around. 

I literally could barely move for the first 17 weeks. 
I ended up being so sick, I couldn't even keep down a popsicle, which resorted to me having to get one of these suckers...

Which was really awesome since we don't have insurance this time around. 
(thanks Obama. 😂)

I have a story about this IV as well that I would like to document and will do so in the next post. 

I was miserable and couldn't move until about 18 weeks. 
After that, 
I could get out of bed, but could only be up and moving for about15 minutes at a time. 
on top of that, the amount pure exhaustion I felt was insane. 
I seriously couldn't get enough sleep and had to take at least one 2 hour nap a day in order to even attempt to be a mom. 

By about 25 weeks,
I was just starting to feel like I could perform a task without taking a break in the middle, 
when sickness struck our household.

It started about a week before Halloween.
I was helping in Kalista's kindergarten class when I noticed a little boy with a terrible cough.
I made sure to steer clear of him because getting sick was the LAST thing I needed,
and I did a pretty good job doing so...

that's when it happened.

all the kids were lining up to get ready to go home for the day,
when this little boy walked right up to Kali and coughed directly in her face.
That's when I knew it was over.

Sure enough, 4 days later Kalista had a full blown cough.
I wasn't too concerned because she didn't seem sick besides that. 
Then Hayleigh got the cough. She was a little worse, 
but still was herself for the most part.

A couple days later I got it.
at first I wasn't worried because based off how my kids handled it,
I figured I'd be fine.


That cough quickly turned into pneumonia. 
I was so upset about it because my house had been neglected for 25 weeks now! 

It took a couple days for me to call my doctor, 
but after I started the meds, 
I was feeling better about 3 days later. 

Not 24 hours after I felt like I could get out of bed again,
Hayleigh started throwing up.
The poor girl couldn't keep anything down. 
She had caught that terrible stomach flu that was SOO easy to catch this year. 

Then Kali got that within 24 hours...
and just as I thought I'd avoided it,
we had thanksgiving dinner two weeks early at my parents house...
 and that night..
I puked it ALL UP.
So much for EVER being able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner again! 😞

The next day,
I was so sick that Tyson, 
who NEVER stays home from work might I add,
could tell just by looking at me that I wasn't going to make it through the day without him.

So he called in,
which he's only done maybe two other times in our entire marriage,
and he took care of me and the kids all day.
I was literally SO SICK. 
I could barely even get out of bed to make it to the toilet in time to throw up.

Tyson's immune system is pretty tough and he had been able to avoid getting sick at all up to this point. 
but the next day,
he called me from work saying he wasn't feeling well.
I KNEW he had what I'd had and told him to come home.
But because he's crazy, he refused. 
He called me later that day and said he finally threw up and was feeling fine.

MAN I wish it'd been that simple for me. haha
At this point I was convinced that pregnancy makes any illness 10X worse. 

We had TWO more illnesses after this and THIS week,
it's December 6th might I add, 
is the first week that none of us are really sick.

I think I might have a cold right now, 
but It's nothing I can't handle. 

we went through about 5 illnesses back to back in our house from the week before halloween until now. 

I'm 31 weeks,
well into my 3rd trimester,
and I feel better than I have the ENTIRE pregnancy.
(Even with a cold!)

I do have days where I'm really tired and need a nap. 
if I don't get that nap I'm really on edge,
my sciatic nerve hurts on and off,
and when the baby moves a lot I get really sick,
but besides that I'm feeling like a million bucks!

I have accomplished more in the last week than I have my entire pregnancy.
that's not an exaggeration either. 

This past week I finally started getting things for this baby. 
At this point with my other kids I pretty much had the entire nursery done already! haha
you don't need much at the beginning anyway. 

We chose the name for our sweet baby girl before we'd even decided to have another one.
We had a girl name and boy named picked out
(I picked the girl, Tyson picked the boy)
I'm weird like that and have to be prepared. haha

So our new sweet angel's name is going to be 
Bonnie Ann.

My Grandma's name is Bonnie and I've been so in love with it. 
Ann is after my sister and grandmother in law.

I've been so excited to have my grandma meet and hold my sweet baby and take a picture of both Bonnie's. 
But at this point, that will probably not happen. 

My Grandma has kidney failure and is now at the point where dialysis isn't working anymore.
She officially stopped dialysis last week and the doctor has given her 1-3 weeks to live. 

While I know she will be so much happier this way,
I selfishly am devastated. 
Why now?

I'm 31 weeks and I wanted more than anything for her to meet this baby.
It's hard for me to talk about and I am so heartbroken,
but I know that she will be happier this way. 

My grandma has had a hard life and deserves to finally be comfortable and at peace. 

She will actually get to meet baby Bonnie before all of us,
and if this baby is as self-less, strong, and incredible as she is, 
I will be happy. 💗

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Elf on the Shelf and Santa Pictures

It's literally been years since my last post.
Things are SO different these days!

But I need somewhere to document life. I've tried youtube, and it's just not something I can do as much as I want because of the lack of space on my computer. I can't even make one video without receiving pop-ups that tell me that my "disk space" is full.

SO, until I get another computer with more storage, my videos will be set at bare minimum and I will be blogging again!!

Kalista is now 5!
Hayleigh is 3!
We have another sweet baby girl on the way!
I'll be 30 weeks on Tuesday. Due February 7th! 

While it's not possible to recap life since my last post,
I will just start where life is now and see where that takes me ;)

We are just entering into the Christmas season.
The Holidays become more and more fun each year, as the girls get bigger.
This is the first year that Kali not only remembers the previous year, but she remembers specific details.

She has been talking about Christmas for months and has been SO excited for it!
We started a new tradition last year.
One that I honestly never thought I'd do.

To be honest, I've always been against Elf on the Shelf because I thought it was stupid.
I hated the fact that the elf always did "naughty" things, and I still hate that fact.
The point of the elf is to make sure the kids behave,
so why would you make the elf misbehave?
I've learned that teaching by example is one of the most effect ways of parenting,
at least with my kids.
So sending an elf, that tells them to be good, but is naughty herself, was kind of contradicting and didn't teach a very good lesson for my kids.

But last year, when I saw that Elf on the Shelf on sale,
something inside me said I just HAD to get it.
I couldn't resist.

Who says the elf has to be naughty?
It's also a great way to incorporate the true meaning of Christmas.
Teaching the girls that Santa and his elves also focus on the true meaning of Christmas, is an awesome teaching opportunity.
It also makes Christmas that much more magical!

we started the elf thing.
Our elf is VERY obedient and she is here to make sure the girls are not only behaving,
but she also takes time to teach them about the true meaning of Christmas.
She doesn't do it every day,
but she makes sure it's the main focus.

I really wanted to document it this year,
because I didn't last year and this Elf is SO important to Kali.
She LOVES this elf!

So, I'd like to introduce our Elf "Sparkles"

Where she made her entrance for the year.

After reading the book and the letter, 
Kalista started talking to the elf.
She asked her what she was grateful for, 
so obviously I had to take advantage of that!

last night "Sparkles" wrote another letter

I'm no rhyming genuis, but it's good enough for the kids! haha

They had so much fun finding all of the candy canes this morning.
I wish I had recorded it! 

Here's where she ended up tonight.

It's so much fun watching the girls excitement every morning when they look for the Elf. 
I love how much magic she brings into our home and I'm so happy that I decided to do it!

Sparkles showed up for the first time last night while we were out getting our "santa" pictures. 
here are a few of them. 

I'm just a little disappointed with how they turned out. 
I was more impressed with the ones we've had done in previous years, 
but I still think they turned out cute. 

I just am annoyed that the photographer really didn't get a picture of both girls with their darling smiles in the same picture. Let me show you what I mean:

Kalista's smile is beautiful, but Hayleigh is making a funny face. This is because the photographer told them to say something, and they repeated it over and over. They stopped after we told them to only say it once, but apparently she didn't add those pictures. 

This black and white would be SO much better if Hayleigh wasn't making such a silly face..

Same thing here. Hayleigh is talking. Kali's smile is perfect though.

Here, Hayleigh's smile is so cute and fitting for her personality, but Kalista is talking this time. 

So I am a little disappointed, but they will work.
These next poses are obviously their favorite. Tyson likes them too. haha

These last poses, are what I decided to put in my Christmas cards.
Remind me not to let them photograph my pregnant belly ever again. 
I feel like I totally destroyed this pose.

However, both girls look darling and we might as well have all of us in our Christmas cards! 

I wanted to do this one for the Christmas cards, but Tyson thinks it should be in color. 

We went to firehouse subs after getting our pictures.
I've literally only been there like one other time and I wasn't disappointed with what I got.
I totally hit the spot! 

Girls loved it as well since they both got their own hats. 

I'm so excited for Christmas this year!!!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Potty Training!

Kalista is {for the most part} potty trained.

before beginning this adventure I read three different books about potty training, then I chose the one that I thought would work best for Kali.

I was so incredibly nervous to start this.
My plan at first was to potty train her before Hayleigh was born. However after talking to a few different people, I was discouraged from doing so. Almost everyone said it would cause regression..which totally makes sense.  So I waited.

My doctor told me also that I would be able to tell when she was ready and that there would be a small time frame when she was ready, that would make the process easy. He said that if we missed it, it would make it about 10x harder. I started noticing signs that she was ready a few weeks before Hayleigh was born but I obviously wanted to wait until after, so I did.

we went shopping for everything the day before we started and I made sure to make it a huge deal with Kali, so that she would be excited about doing it. Obviously she was because once we got home she has a lot of fun playing with her toilet seat, "big girl wipes" and underwear! 


She caught on so quickly the first day! 
After only three hours, she understood how to tell when she needed to go.
Playing with the prize she got after telling me she needed to go and going in the potty without having an accident.

getting ready for the splash pad after not having an accident for a whole day!

 playing with her sister on day 2

I was so nervous about doing this...and I totally should have been!
She did really well at first...then randomly regressed for like 2 weeks.

It was extremely discouraging.
Now we are to the point where she does so awesome at home, but when we go out for longer than a few hours, she as an accident.

This has been the hardest thing. Seriously.
And if I could do it over, I would have done it before Hayleigh was born.
I don't know about you...but I would much rather deal with Regression (which she did anyway) than having to deal with trying to nurse, wipe her behind,  praise Kali and keep Hayleigh happy all at once. It was HARD!!

I'm so happy we're {hopefully} through the hardest part of this process!

*I wrote this whole thing on my sorry if there's any errors!!

Friday, August 30, 2013

New Job

Our lives have been so crazy these last couple of weeks.

It all started a couple of months ago though. 
Tyson had been contemplating about whether or not being in the HVAC business was really something he wanted to do as a career or not.

He went back and forth A LOT. 
He talked about multiple different things and just couldn't decide.
One day though we were talking about it and we came to conclusion number one:

Whether he wants to go back to school to do something else,
or stay in Refrigeration and hopefully one day maybe start his own business,
he needed to make more money.

What he was making at the time, met our needs EXACTLY.
We weren't struggling to pay our bills,
but we also weren't making enough to put really anything in savings...and that's if he was working overtime EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

I would get frustrated because there would be times where I'd see him maybe 4 hours in a WEEK,
yet the money he was making would go right towards bills and we wouldn't get to have any to save or play with.  My husband needs a break man!!!

Also, if he wanted to go back to school, he wouldn't be able to work overtime which would mean we'd need a way to make up for the difference in income.

So after a lot of talking about it,
we decided that him finding another job that paid him better would be best.
Incredibly (but not surprisingly. My husband is kind of amazing.)
the first place he went to, he got and interview and the job right on the spot.

Not only that but the pay was significantly higher.
He wouldn't have to work overtime and we would STILL have money to put in savings.
we are so excited!

his current employer didn't respond to him in the way he'd hoped.
He really wanted to maintain a good relationship with them because they taught him so much.
He really appreciated all he'd learned from them, but when it came down to it, he needed more money.  His current employer wasn't willing to provide that so he had to find someone that would.  It was honestly a nightmare getting away from that job.  They did some pretty shady and unprofessional things to him which ended up with him deciding to leave that job earlier than he'd planned.

he didn't deserve to be treated the way they were treating him simply because he was leaving.  It wasn't anything personal towards them...he's just trying to make an honest living! 

So he went a whole week without work while his new job got everything together for him...which drove him crazy. haha 

He could not wait to go back to work.
His first day was yesterday and he came home in the best mood he's ever been in after work.
He LOVES this new job.  

We are SO excited for this new opportunity and I'm so so grateful for a husband that would do anything to provide for his family. He really is the hardest worker.  I love him so much!!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Kalista's 2 year Pictures and Hayleighs newborn

I know it takes me forEVER to post anything
Better late than never

Kalista's 2 year pictures:

I'm two!

Hayleigh's Newborns:
Sisters <3

Photos done my Elicia Launi photography.  She's my roomate from utah state and she's amazing!! Thank you so much Elicia! Both sessions were extremely difficult and I'm amazed at how many good ones you were able to get. 

That's talent. seriously.