I hate it when I can't control things.

***WOOAHH Long post***

Since my Opa died,

My Oma has been an emotional mess.

She cries everyday, about everything.

She has been suffering from the beginning stages of Dementia for a couple of years,

and it has become even worse after a Stroke she had last year.

For almost the whole first week after he died,

Oma kept forgetting where Opa was.
She would say, "So where is pop again?"

(pop is what his kids call him)

and then we'd have to remind her yet again,

she would go through the emotions all over again.

Since she is no longer able to care for herself completely,

after Opa died, we moved her back into my aunt MaryJane's house

(who by the way is one of he most incredible, selfless people I know.)

Oma hates that she can't take care of her self.

She cries everytime my aunt or someone else has to help her with something,

or when she is by herself and realizes my Opa isn't there anymore,

or even when you're talking to her and any subject about my Opa or her being by herself comes up.

On Thursday night,

my Aunt had to work and my cousin  

(who lives in the basement and is there for my Oma when my Aunt can't be),

and her husband were going to a concert.

They needed someone to just be there with Oma for a couple of hours,

and since Tyson is gone all day Monday-Thursday because of school and work,

I thought this was a good time to spend with Oma.

I decided while driving there that I was just going to sleep there so that I would be able to get more sleep since I worked the next morning.

That was a good experience,

but since then, I have been unable to get Oma off my mind.

It just breaks my heart that I can't do anything for her.

She is so lonely.

I hate when things are out of my control.

It's one of the biggest struggles I have in life.

I can't STAND it!

I think that is one reason I have experienced so much death in my life.

I think the Lord is trying to teach me to learn to just let go and deal with the things that I am unable to control. It's seriously SO hard for me. I cry about it all of the time.

Tyson and I took Oma to Dinner on Saturday night.

I called her around 1:30 to ask her if she wanted to go to dinner.

I told her we'd be there around 4:30.

When we got there my cousin told me that she has been ready since right after she got off the phone with me.

She was in a beautiful dress and my cousin painted her nails for her.

When we walked into her room, she was sitting in her chair asleep.

I just wanted to cry.

She was asleep, all by herself.
She's been with my Opa for over 60 years and now all of the sudden she is by herself.

We sat with her for a while and I put earrings in her ears.

When my Aunt got home, she did her hair and then we left.

We had the best conversation during dinner.

I learned so much about Omas life.

She told me about her and my Opa's first date,

how long they dated before they were married,

she told me how much Dark hair he used to have and how good looking he was.

She told me so much about her life.

It was so fun to hear.

Tyson and I also thought it was cool because there are things about my Oma and Opa's relationship that Tyson and I also have.

Like, My Oma and Opa met for the first time at a dance.

So did we :)

haha it's not a huge deal but I loved that.

To be honest,

I was kinda disappointed when dinner was over.

We took her back home and I just miss her.

I always want to call her. I think it's because I just want to make things better for her.

I just want her to be as content as she was when Opa was here,

but whenever you talk to her, you can hear the pain in her voice.

I love her and wish I could just make her happy again!

****

On another note,

I am infuriated with my work.

Some people are so unsympathetic it's disgusting.

You know, I really love what I do.

But when the people you work with make you feel so horrible everytime you're there...and even when you're NOT, there's a problem.

I've been having problems with them since I got pregnant.

You'd think that since it's the WOMENS CENTER, they'd understand a little more about morning sickness and pregnancy and stuff.  But they could care less. They have been SO difficult.

I have been dealing with them treating me like I'm terrible at my job and them acting like, when I would be puking the first few hours of work during my first and second trimester, I'm a wimp. But after being treated the way I've been treated since my Opa died, I'm no longer tolerating it.

I left work after receiving that call that my Opa only had hours to live, so that I could be there with him and my family when he died. The next night, I called and talked to the Charge nurse about Funeral leave.

She told me I could take two days off. I asked her what steps I needed to take to get it and she told me just to email ONE person, the Scheduling lady.

I took Wednesday off so I could edit the story my Opa had wanted me to edit for a while and to practice for the song we were singing during the funeral.

I was including the second day as the day I left work. The day he died. 

I didn't work again until Saturday, so I thought it would be okay to take wednesday day off.

Well, one thing that I completely SPACED checking, was my On Call shift.

My Opas viewing was Thursday night and his Funeral was Friday.

I was on call on Friday.

Friday morning, the charge nurse called me and asked if I would be able to pick up an extra shift that day (my on call shift wasn't until 3...but at this point I still didn't realize I was on call).  I told her I couldn't and I explained to her that my Opa's funeral was that day so I wouldn't be able to work at all that day.

She knew that.

However,

at one o'clock,

right SMACK in the middle of the funeral, she calls me and leaves a message saying they need me for my on call shift.

I called back after hearing the message and explained to her YET AGAIN that I could not come in because I was currently at my Opa's funeral. She said "Well...you've had this whole week off."

I explained, again, that I took one full day off after he died and didn't think I worked again until Saturday.

I told her it was my fault for forgetting about my on call shift, I had just been really distracted and hadn't remembered to look.

I was a little annoyed after hanging up with her,

feeling like she was saying that I was lying about being at the funeral.

about an hour and a half later,

the "assistant supervisor" calls me.

I had talked to her wednesday afternoon, because I was cancelling a meeting I had with her telling her that I could not come in because my Grandpa had died.

She then said "I was under the impression that the funeral was Wednesday"

I never once told her that, I never once emphasized or tried to make her think that it was Wednesday.

I explained this to her and I told her that if this On call shift doesn't count as Funeral Leave, I can just take an Absence, because it was my fault for forgetting to check.

She tells me we'll talk about it when I get back and we get off the phone.

My dad was pretty angry at this point. He thought it was pretty ridiculous that my work was bugging me like this during a FUNERAL! He even wanted to talk to her when I was on the phone. Obviously I didn't let him, but I almost did!

Well, about an hour after that, when we were just getting home from the funeral,

my SUPERVISOR calls me. She tells me that she never even received an email about my funeral leave. I explained to her that the charge nurse I talked to on Tuesday told me just to email the scheduling lady and that was it. I was not even aware that I needed to email her. I then said "I think that there was a lot of miscommunication here" and she then says "No, there was NO communication" acting like I tried to do this was and like...go behind her back or something.

I was so angry after getting off the phone with her that I called HR and left a message. I then went to them on Monday and talked to them. I am still SOO upset about it.

Since then,

everytime I go to work someone either implys that I was trying to cheat the system,

or is mean. I was informed that the charge nurse pretty much made it aware to everyone on the day I was on call that she believed I was lying about the funeral leave. She talked about it with a lot of the staff and there was only ONE person there that was defending me.

I was at work yesterday.

There is another girl there that had a grandparent just die as well.

Do you KNOW how many times I've heard my co workers talking about how sad they are for her and how they feel so bad for her and all of this stuff?

No one ever even said anything to me.

No one even CARES. How is her grandparent more important than mine??

I have a meeting now with my boss on Wednesday because she is trying to say that she is counting my absence on the day of my Opa's funeral as a NO SHOW!

UH...no. I told the charge nurse that day TWICE before that shift started that I couldn't come in. That's not a no show. I'm am so angry with the way I've been treated about this whole thing. It infuriates me.

Tyson was out of town for work when my Opa died and guess what?

HIS work, let him come home early for the funeral and did not contact him ONCE until the funeral was over. not ONCE! THAT is how a company should treat their employee when a family member dies.

Sorry. I just needed to vent about that because my family is dealing with enough right now.

I don't need the bad management and gossiping, stupid, unsympathetic people that I work with giving me a hard time as well.

Anyway,

3 1/2 more weeks until I can start taking measures to go into labor :)

can't wait to meet my beautiful Kalista!

(even though my work will probably give me a hard time about maternity leave as well.)

OH did I mention, I've NEVER had a complaint from a patient? My patients at my job like me.

But since My co-workers don't,

I'm apparantly terrible at my job.