Surgery.

So,

Kali's surgery was Tuesday.

We woke up that morning to a happy girl [like always],

Smiling and cooing, talking to us both.

We got ready for the day,

knowing that we had to be to PCMC by noon.

We tried to keep her comfortable,

while distracting her from the fact that she could not have anything to eat until after surgery.

I packed all of the things we would need,

and we headed out the door to the Hospital.

I talked with Tyson a bit on the way there about how,

even though her pediatrician said that her surgery was simple and only involved inserting a catheter and letting out small beads,

The paperwork I got in the mail,

that I had only read the day before (oops),

said that they were doing an incision.

I was a little bit worried,

but not too much because I was just going to believe what an actual person told me,

not some dumb paper.

When we arrived,

we sat in the waiting room for them to do Kali's checkup to make sure she was healthy for the surgery.

She was peacefully asleep while we waited.

I just kept thinking that the poor girl had no idea what was about to happen.

When they called her name,

we had to wake her up while they weighed her, checked her,

and gave us a gown to change her in.

Afterwards,

The nurse walked us to another waiting room,

where we'd wait until it was time for her to go back.

We waited there while I cuddled and kissed the heck out of her

and she played with her Daddy...

(who obviously is a lot less annoying. haha)

and before we knew it,

her Urologist was walking up to us.

She began explaining the procedure to us.

This is where I learned that they were,

indeed,

doing an incision.

I wasn't happy about it to say the least,

and pretty upset about the fact that no one told me this until now!

After she finished explaining everything,

she left and the anesthesiologist came in.

He told us that he was going give her a mask to put her to sleep,

then do what they call a Cottle (which is similar to an epidural)

to help numb the area so that she wouldn't be in pain when she woke up.

That is when they would insert the I.V.,

and give her a breathing tube as well as a catheter.

When he was done explaining everything to us,

he walked us back to the furthest point we could go.

I didn't want to let go of my baby. I was holding back tears.

She was a little fussy and us both kissing her wasn't helping that.

Then,

After giving myself a silent pep talk,

I handed her over to the anesthesiologist,

a guy I had just barely met,

who I knew was going to take her to a group of people,

Who would cause her pain..

(Deep down I knew it was for the best, but at a time like this,

all I could think about was how much I despised everything about the situation)

I watched as he turned the corner with my daughter in his arms

and the last thing I saw was her grabbing at his mask.

That is when I burst into tears.

It was hard to hold back and honestly,

I could have cried a lot harder than I did...

I was still holding it in a WHOLE bunch!

Tyson was incredible through all of this.

He is my rock and held me while I cried.

We were then led to yet another waiting room.

I couldn't hold it in for very long so we quickly decided to go for a walk.

We ended up going to our car,

and I cried while we prayed for comfort and Kali's safety.

We then walked hand in hand back to the waiting room

where we waited for two hours until finally

the Urologist came in and told us everything went well.

10 minutes later,

they called for us and said that only one of us could go back to the ICU to see her.

She had just woken up.

Tyson let me.

again, I love him SO MUCH.

He asked me to send him a picture...

and this was the only one I could take before picking her up and trying to comfort my poor baby who had no idea what was going on.

Her whole face seemed so swollen and her was cry the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard.

She seemed miserable.

Here's the battle wound.
I don't know if you can see them both but she will have both of those tubes coming out of her for a week. It's how she pees for now.

Very shortly after this,

We were moved to the room we would be staying in for the remainder of our stay.

That is when we met with Tyson.

(This girl ROCKED at her job. I loved her. She was my favorite CNA there by far.)

Once we got some food into Kali's belly...which took forever since she couldn't eat right after,

She began acting very close to her normal self.

She even sat up, played with some toys and smiled a little!

I was so happy that she seemed okay.

...Then,

about an hour later,

her Cottle began to wear off.

Even though she had Toradol AND Oxycodone,

she still seemed in pain.

Her cry was crushing me.

Her voice was gone too because of the breathing tube and it killed me to see her that way.

After holding her, while rocking her in the chair and singing her some songs...

she finally fell asleep.

After about 10 minutes,

I decided to try to lay her in the crib.

She stayed asleep for about a minute.

Then woke right up.

She had a very difficult night.

I eventually,

put her in her stoller and we seriously walked around the entire hospital...

then when we got back to our room,

she fell asleep.

She slept that way in the stroller for half the night,

then woke up and after another couple hours of rocking, coaxing and trying to get her to sleep,

she spent the rest in the crib.

I probably had 3 hours of sleep.

Kali maybe had 5 or 6?

They almost kept us there another night because of how fussy she was,

but that morning she made up for it and was in such a good mood.

We ended up leaving around 4:00 pm.

The next night went pretty well.

She only woke up twice.

(usually she doesn't wake up at all, but considering the circumstances,

she did awesome).

Last night however,

was a different story and it's been like this ever since.

She was awake a good majority of the night.

I had to rock her and tickle her back until she fell asleep.

She was sleeping with us because she would wake up if one of us wasn't touching her.

But by about 3 am...

she wouldn't go back to sleep.

She was kicking us both.

HARD for an almost 7 month old btw.

ha.

She has been SO tired all day because of that,

but again,

she won't sleep unless we're touching her.

Hence,

this picture...

She's been rubbing her eyes,

and acting so tired,

but will NOT fall asleep unless she's touching us.

Tyson had her sitting on the floor and was trying to talk to her...

and she put her head on his..and was asleep almost instantaneously.

Poor girl.

I hope she starts feeling better cause it's killing me to see her so sick.

No Offense...

I've had some experiences these last few months that have kind of opened my eyes.

They've made me more aware of the mean things I've said or done in my life.

First I want to say that I've never in my life ever done something to intentionally hurt another person.

EVER

I know how it feels to be hurt or offended by somone.

With that being said,

I know that I have hurt other people.

I'm sure there's people out there that i've hurt of offended,

that I don't even know about.

This post is mostly for those people.

It's emotionally draining to realize the pain or hurt I've caused others.

Realizing things that I've done is hard.

I feel so so mean.

a few weeks ago,

I decided to try apologizing to one of those people.

It didn't go as I'd hoped.

It's taken me until now,

to decide to move on to the next person.

My goal is to at least clear my conscience.

The other person can decide whether or not they accept my sincere apology.

I can't control that if they do or not.

(which is another lesson I've learned as of late.)

I just want to apologize right now to everyone that I may have hurt or offended.

The times that I have been intentionally rude,

are the times I was hurt or offended myself,

and trying to protect my feelings.

That's not an excuse though and that is why I am apologizing.

I am sorry.

If I've offended you. I am sorry.

I really try to be a good person,

but I've realized recently that I have been very selfish when it comes to others feelings.

I  don't know how it's possible to apologize to those I am not aware that I've offended besides this.

So I hope this post does something.

As for now,

I'm on a mission to correct my wrongs.

It's going to take a while though.

Because today I resumed my mission on someone else,

and in just 15 minutes I had cried enough tears to fill a bathtub.

But this person...

is the most forgiving person.

The most incredible person.

and the most perfect husband.

and that's why I married him.

Yeah. He's been a victim of my selfish mean words.

Yet, he still acts like I'm perfect.

I think I married the only man in the world that is patient enough to put up with me,

and I love him so much.

I just hope I can somehow forget the things I've done to him.

Because that's what is holding me back.

Home Sweet Hospital

The last few weeks have been ridiculous to say the least.

I swear it's been just one thing after another.

I have come to the realization that the Hospital is our second home.

Let me start off with explaining why I've been MIA as of late.

Our computer broke.

Sad story. I am so sad about it.

BUT,

We don't want to get a new one until we can get a MAC.

I'm SOOO done with HP.

SO,

We're $300 dollars away from it.

We're trying to sell our 1998 Chevy Lumina.

That will help us get that extra $300 quick!

If you are looking to buy a car,

email me and I'll give you some more info!

It's a great car and runs like a champ.

We just don't need it anymore.

Anyway,

Back to the Hospital stuff.

The day our computer broke,

Tyson cut his finger open.

[Before you go any further, I am posting the picture on here. So if you don't want to see what his poor pinky looked like, scroll past the first pic ;)]

It was about 11:00 P.M when this happened

and when I came downstairs, there was blood all over the bathroom.

[for his sake, I won't go in to detail on how this happened. He would be mad at me. ha]

I almost had a heart attack.

I thought my husband was bleeding to death. haha

Then, when I realized it was his finger,

I calmed down a little...but it still freaked me out!

Anyway,

I had to get Kali out of her Crib and we made a late night trip to the ER.

Now, here are the pictures:

Before the stitches.

 

After the stitches.

Luckily, Kali slept through the entire visit.

We got home at 3:00 AM and instead of going right to bed,

we had some cleaning up to do.

There was blood EVERYWHERE. haha

Everywhere he went before getting in the car, blood followed.

Anyway,

he ended up getting eight stitches.

and they stitched up the vein that was squirting out all the blood as well ;)

graphic words? Yes.

Not even Five days later,

Kali started getting a fever.

By 5 am, she woke up with a fever of 103.

Hence,

another trip to the ER.

Remember how I said she was really Colicky?

She's not.

They found out in the ER that she had a UTI

 (Urinary Tract Infection)

They sent us on our way with a Prescription for Antibiotics.

within a few days,

Kali was a totally different baby.

She's been so happy and laughs WAY more now.

She only cries when she's tired or Hungry....or going to the bathroom. [more on that later as well]

It's apparant to me that she's had the UTI for WAY longer than she had the fever.

Not gonna lie,

I was feeling really bitter towards her Pediatrician and all the people that were saying she was colicky.

I KNEW there was something else going on. I could tell.

Which is why I kept taking her to the Dr.

Anyway,

a couple of weeks after the ER visit,

(this last tuesday),

Her Pediatrician called and said that the ER told him about her visit and he highly recommended that we go in to Primary Childrens to get her an Ultrasound and X-Ray.

He said 30-50% of the infants that get UTI's have something called Vesicoureteral Reflux,

which happens when Kali pushes to pee, or if she has a full bladder, some of the Urine goes back up to the kidneys, which brings more bacteria into the kidneys and when she gets infection, that can cause even more problems in the kidneys.

So,

BACK to the hospital we go.

Her appointment was yesterday.

They did the Ultrasound and Kali was good until they turned her to her tummy.

she HATES being on her Tummy. She screamed her head off until they were all done.

That was supposed to be the easy part!

Next was the X-Ray.

What they had to do was put in a catheter and insert some Dye into her bladder so that it would show up on the X-ray.

That was supposed to be the part she screamed.

instead,

She was SO good through the entire procedure.

It was then that I realized that Kalista is a TOUGH little girl,

she is just DANG spoiled. haha

Anyway,

the girl explained to me what would happen if she did have reflux.

You would see it draining to her kidneys.

Sure enough,

the second she started to insert the dye,

you could see it moving back up towards the kidneys.

and Kali would not pee it back out. 

Poor girl. It hurts her to pee, so she was holding it in. 

When the radiologist came in to look at it she explained some more.

They rate the severity between a 1-5.

1 being the lowest where they would just need to give her antibiotics for a while and 5 being where they would need to go in and do surgery.

She said by looking at it right there, it looked like she was at a 3.

She said we would most likely just need to give her an antibiotic for a year and then re-evaluate.

A couple of hours later ,

Her pediatrician called and said the Radiologist had reviewed the X-ray and had decided to move her left Kidney up to a Level 4. Her Right was still at a 3.

So,

he gave us antibiotics and referred us to a Urologist who will determine whether or not she will need surgery or want to do the tests again in a few months.

I'm so nervous.

I've had such mixed emotions.

one minute I'm crying and the next I'm so grateful they caught it early.

My aunt had these same problems when she was little,

they didn't catch it in time and she lost a kidney.

I'm SO grateful they caught it early, I just really am not looking forward to hearing that she'll have to have surgery. The Dr thinks that is most likely what will happen.

How am I going to be able to let them just take my baby, sedate her and cause her pain?

I wish SO MUCH that I could do it for her.

The appointment with the Urologist isn't until October 26th either.

Which means I have almost an entire month to anticipate this.

We just started her on Antibiotics today. I hope those will help her feel better at least.

Colic and teething. They don't mix!

Remember THIS post about Kali having Colic?

and THIS one about rice cereal making her feel better?

Everything was going well,

until a couple days after feeding her cereal.

I started noticing that she was pooping hardly at all.

I also started noticing that when she DID poop, it stunk SO BAD.

I didn't even know a baby could produce something that smells so bad. (haha)

As the days went on,

her bowel movements started becoming little pebbles.

Hence,

Constipation.

The rice cereal was not helping her with the problems she already had with this.

So,

I backed up and started only giving her rice cereal at night.

It still was not making a difference,

and she began getting fussy like she was before.

Good thing I was still breastfeeding at night,

so I hadn't completely dried up.

I decided to just start breastfeeding again.

Only a bottle at night.

with no rice cereal.

Just like I was doing before.

She is still fussy.

It hasn't changed.

I would think it was my breastmilk,

but she started getting fussy before I started breastfeeding full time again.

So we are back to square one.

Along with these symptoms

She was also

Drooling,

throwing up,

congested,

and chewing on EVERYTHING she could.

I was SO SURE that she was teething.

So I called the nurse and she insisted that it was too early and that she just though it was an ear infection.

She said to come in.

Our insurance just changed and co pays are now $40 and her 4 month appointment was in two weeks.

So I asked if there was anyway we could combine those because there was NO WAY I was going to pay $80 in a month. Especially because I was still so sure she was teething and didn't think she needed to go in. I just needed to know what to give her medicine wise!

She let me combine those so we went in yesterday.

Sure enough,

SHE'S TEETHING!

Dumb nurse.

haha I gotta say she is DANG LUCKY that they let me combine the appointments.

I would have been so mad if I lost $40 for them to tell me what I already knew!

Now comes the sad part.

Because it was her 4 month appointment they had to give her shots.

again.

She was already upset and I really really didn't want them to.

I was SO CLOSE to turning them down because I didn't want her to be in anymore pain.

But I ended up giving in because they said I would have had to go back in two week.

I would rather just get it over with.

Needless to say,

when the nurse walked in,

I was already crying and she had to comfort ME!

I'm sorry but I couldn't help it. I hate seeing my baby in pain...and allowing her to be in even more pain is the hardest thing ever.

I'm not kidding when I say that that's the hardest part of being a mom.

I don't remember if I said that before,

but watching my child in pain...I would rather them give ME the dangs shots.

Anyway.

Long story short.

She did scream through the shots.

but they gave me the amount of Tylenol I needed to give her.

That has seemed to help a WHOLE BUNCH.

However,

her Colic is still really bad in the morning until she finally falls asleep for her nap.

oh man I just hope she gets over this soon.

because seeing my baby in pain is the worst kind of torture.

30 DC #30

30. what changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.

Kali started teething!

 

I hope that she'll get her teeth next month!

 

:)

 

and..

I'm done!

30 DC #17

17. things that make you scared.

Well,

I'm not sure if this wants me to name 17, or just things in general.

So,

I'll name my top five.

1. Something happening to Kalista.

2. Something Happening to Tyson. Especially while he's at work.

3. Spiders

4. my imagination when it's late at night and I'm wide awake while everyone is sleeping.

5. Noises that the house makes when I'm home alone.

30 DC #10

10. your view on drugs and alcohol.

I strongly believe that if someone does drugs or consumes alcohol before at least age 21,

it affects their brain a whole lot more.

I heard somewhere that if affects the frontal lobe,

which affects the decision making part of your brain.

I think drugs are stupid no matter what and that people that do that are seriously screwing up the rest of their lives.

My little brothers birth mother did drugs. They took over her life which resulted in not only her getting her kids taken from her, but my brothers were affected from it forever.

Same with Tysons birth mother.

Drugs are so powerful that they can do that to someone.

What person in their right mind, would choose something over their kids?

Drugs ruin lives.

I've seen it happen to those closest to me.

As far as Alcohol goes,

I don't drink.

I never have because it's against my values.

But,

I think that as long as people that do it, do it responsibly and don't get drunk...and then DRIVE,

I'm not going to criticize them for it.

I don't do it, but as long as those that do it, don't affect others with it and don't become addicted, or take lives by drinking and driving,

then they can do what they want :)

Poor Baby

Last week, especially the weekend,

was a hard one for our little princess.

Since Kali was about two weeks old,

she has been experiencing Acid Reflux.

She throws up constantly.

It worried me for a while that she wasn't gaining weight.

Especially because she would eat,

throw up,

and then act starving again.

She was literally eating every half hour.

As the week went on,

if she was awake,

she was crying.

I hardly got anything done all week

and began to wonder if there was something else wrong with her.

Then,

Thursday night,

she was up every half hour and super fussy.

At about 8 am,

I gave up trying to get anymore sleep and got up.

I fed her and she seemed okay after that.

She was still a little bit fussy, but nothing worse than she'd been all week.

So,

I set her in her bouncer and started doing some Zumba.

She usually loves watching me do that. I am pretty sure it's because I look like a complete moron and she enjoys laughing at me.

This time however,

was different.

She was fussing,

and about 10 minutes into it,

the crying became louder and louder until she was screaming uncontrollably.

It was the saddest cry ever.

I gave up working out and picked her up to try to make her feel better.

It didn't help.

It didn't matter what I did.

I rocked her, bounced her, cuddled her, burped her,

NOTHING.

She was so so upset.

I started to worry a little and after two hours of this,

I called the Dr.

When they heard her crying they told me I needed to come in.

Okay,

I have been to the Doctor so much for her lately and they keep saying that it's just her acid reflux.

So I waste the $20 every visit to just hear them say there is nothing we can do.

But with the way she was crying,

I was really worried that something else was wrong.

Seriously. She went from this adorableness....

and adorable personality,

To uncontrollable crying.

So I packed her in her carseat and went to the Dr.

By the time we got there, she had fallen asleep.

I'm sure from pure exhaustion.

When we got in to the room,

they wanted to weigh her so of course I had to wake her up for that.

Within 30 seconds of waking up,

she was screaming her head off again.

I was pleasantly suprised to find out that she was now 9 pounds 11 ounces.

She has gained almost a pound in less than a month.

That made me feel better about her at least keeping some of her food down.

But it didn't change the fact that she was still obviously in a lot of pain.

After being there for a couple of minutes,

the Dr. Said that it sounded like she had

Pyloric Stenosis.

He said that it's when the muscle in the stomach,

The Pyloris Spinchter,

stays contracted and causes the child to not keep anything down,

to be in a lot of pain,

and throw up a lot.

He sent us to primary childrens so she could have an ultrasound.

I was so relieved.

I felt like we had finally figured out what was wrong with my poor baby.

I felt like we had finally figured out how to make her feel better.

To Fix this problem means surgery.

That would've been hard,

but if it meant Kalista feeling better,

then that's what would have to be done.

When we got there,

they did the ultrasound and

everything was normal.

It wasn't Pyloric Stenosis.

The only good thing about this was that she wasn't going to need surgery.

But that was it.

We still didn't know what it was.

Kali was STILL screaming at this point.

she was still so upset.

SO,

They sent us to the ER.

2 Hours and $170 later,

they concluded that she is just Colicky and her Acid Reflux is really bad.

I don't like that result.

You know why?

Because there is NOTHING we can do to fix it.

Kali just has to sit there and be in pain and there is nothing I can do to get rid of it.

She finally calmed down by around 2:30.

and fell asleep for a while.

When she woke up from that nap...

she was all of the sudden happy again!

(for about a half hour)

Honestly,

the worst thing ever is seeing your child in pain and knowing there is nothing you can do to make them feel better.

We were given Medicine for the reflux,

but it doesn't seem to help.

I've had a few friends offer some tips,

so I'm going to try those and hope they work.

I'm okay not getting sleep.

I planned on that because obviously that comes with having a baby.

I don't care about that.

But I do care about the way she feels.

and she has obviously been in pain!

I bought some Enfamil that was made specifically for spit up.

I gave her some right before we put her to bed,

and kept her sitting up and forward for about 15 minutes...

and this was the result...

She slept for 7 hours.

SEVEN!

That is the longest she has slept since she's been born.

I was SO glad that we found something that helped get her to sleep...

at night.

(at least it's helped the last two nights)

I am still breastfeeding and I only give her formula at night.

I do NOT want to stop breastfeeding.

I really don't.

So we have been trying some other ways of calming her down during the day.

So far,

We've found two things.

Her Car seat,

as long as she is moving in it.

Like being in the car. That usually helps.

Or,

This little contraption...

This thing puts her to sleep in five minutes.

Which is understandable.
She's upright so the acid isn't as bad.

I want my poor baby to start feeling better!!

Still Alive and Kickin!

Okay so It's been a while since I have posted.

We have been SOO busy.

That's even an understatement.

Seriously.

I haven't found one second to breathe until RIGHT NOW!

Since my last post we have-

- Moved into our new house

- Celebrated the 4th of July

-Celebrated my Birthday

- Quit my job

- and had Kali's two month Dr Check up which = SHOTS :'(

New House

YES

We are officially all moved in.

It feels SOOO GOOD to be on our own again.

As much as we appreciated my parents for letting us live with them for FREE,

(we were able to save up a good amount of money because of them!) 

I feel like I can finally be the mother and wife that I want to be.

We finally get to be our own little family <3

We still have some decorating to do.

I'm pretty much done with the main stuff.

I just need to get some more picture for our frames

and then Decorate the Nursery and our bedroom.

I had all of these plans to make Kali's room SOO cute.

I could see the vision in my head.

Princess and the Frog.

BUT,

I'm kind of a cheap skate when it comes to money...

So today, after looking around for some cute bedding for her Crib,

I just gave in to a cheap one at Target.

It's the same colors as the room,

and does go with the theme and all,

but I wanted her room to be more Elegant than it is going to be.

I was hoping for just a bunch of WHITE RUFFLY bedding.

But I didn't want to spend that much on it.

I have recently picked up couponing which doesn't help my 'cheap skate' situation at all either!

haha.

But that's okay.
Kali doesn't really care about her room right now,

so quite frankly,

I'm not going to waste a bunch of money on something that she won't get to even enjoy.

My vision of her nursery could have EASILY been more than $1000.

I'm not gonna do it!

SO,

we'll see how my cheaper version turns out.

and I'll take pictures of the entire house when it's ALL completely done.

4th of July

The Day we left for St George,

We received a package in the mail from my Aunt Julie from Idaho.

She had sent us this ADORABLE Dress for Kali for the 4th of July

Isn't is so cute?

We went to my parents house for a bbq, swimming and fireworks that day.

It was so fun!

Kali met some if her friends for the first time :)

Kali and Luke

Kali and Jada

I love Independence day!

It's one of my favorite holidays.

My Birthday

My birthday was very laid back.

It was fun though and I really enjoyed the day.

My friend Chelsie,

Took me to Iggys for lunch.

It was SOO yummy and so fun to catch up with her.

When Tyson got home from work we went to Dinner with my parents, my Oma and my Aunt MJ.

We went to Cheesecake Factory.

MMMm it was so dang delish.

I love that place immensely.

When we got back to my parents house my little sister had made me a suprise cake.

my favorite cake btw.

haha.

I got lots of gifts!

One of which was a shirt from my sister that i'm wearing right now actually! ha

Quit my Job

YES that is correct.

and it feels SOOO good!

I couldn't stand that place any longer.

They were SOO rude to me during my pregnancy.

Like intolerabley rude about everything.

(and it's the WOMENS CENTER!? Wouldn't you think they'd be more understanding?)

I put my two weeks in the day before my first day back.

and my last day was yesterday.

can I get a HALLELUJIAH!?

I just got a less than part time job with a home health company instead,

which is only about three hours a day.

and I'm pretty sure it's not everyday.

I also am taking care of my Oma three times a week.

you have no idea what a happy camper I am.

I am pretty much a stay at home mom.

Kali comes with me when I take care of my Oma

So life is good!

I seriously love my life.

....except for this next part...

Kali's Dr Appointment

Kali had her Dr appointment on Wednesday.

Saddest day ever.

I'm not even kidding.

She had to get her shots.

She's a good baby.

Especially considering that she has epic Acid Reflux.

When the nurse gave her the THREE shots...

oh my gosh.

I've never heard he cry so hard in her life.

Her face turned red,

along with the not breathing inbetween cries.

It was horrible.

I started crying too.

like I had tears running down my face.

I felt stupid and kept apologizing to the nurse for crying but it was SO sad.

I just hated seeing her go through that.

The shots affected her until today.
She's finally back to her normal self.

She was so fussy yesterday, Thursday and for the rest of the day on Wednesday.

I don't ever want to go through that again.

It was so so sad.

and these last few days,

the only thing that seemed to make her feel better,

was a bath with mommy.

Anyway,

That's the update on our life right now!

We love it :) 

OH PS,

I just made this blog public again.

You can read the post on my other blog if you want the explanation!

:)

Like mother, Like Daughter

Kali hasn't been sleeping very well for the last couple of weeks.

Let me rephrase.

She sleeps GREAT during the day,

mostly while she's in her car seat or being held.

But at night,

she doesn't sleep.

at first,

she would just be awake and make noises.

She wanted to play.

But as the nights have gone on,

she's become more and more fussy.

and the last couple of weeks,

She's been super gassy and spits up a good amount when she eats.

The last few days,

I haven't even been able to put her down for more than 5 minutes without her

not only CRYING, but SCREAMING.

like screaming bloody murder.

I couldn't even DO tummy time because it made me pretty much cry.

She was obviously in pain.

Yesterday,

I went to the hospital to visit one of my friends.

I was telling them about her issues and realized it'd been almost 6 days since she's pooped.

After asking the nursery nurse about it,

having her feel her belly

and taking a rectel temperature with no results,

I decided to call the Doctor.

It was three o'clock and they had us come in at four.

We got there and while we were in the room waiting for her Doctor to come in,

I decided to feed her since she was crying and it was time.

She ate really well,

but was moaning and acting uncomfortable the whole time.

When the Doctor came in,

he checked her and decided pretty quickly that she [most likely] has Acid reflux.

I have acid reflux too.

she gets it from me and I couldn't feel worse for her!

Acid reflux SUCKKSS!!!

He said her belly feels fine and the reason she mostly likely hasn't pooped,

is because her body needs every single calorie she is eating.

He said it can take ten days sometimes.

He said that if I cut out dairy and gave her the medicine he prescribed,

I would start noticing a difference in 48 hours.

okay cutting out dairy is like...

impossible for me! Seriously it's SO HARD!

haha all I eat is cheese.

But when you think about it,

it's a win-win situation.

I'll lose weight doing this!

Kali seems like she's feeling better today.

she isn't a fan of her medicine and I laugh everytime I give it to her because she makes the funniest faces you'll ever see.

I'll record it and put it on here next time.

She is still really spitty though.

I hope that gets better soon.

but she just woke up...

so, gotta go!

I hate it when I can't control things.

***WOOAHH Long post***

Since my Opa died,

My Oma has been an emotional mess.

She cries everyday, about everything.

She has been suffering from the beginning stages of Dementia for a couple of years,

and it has become even worse after a Stroke she had last year.

For almost the whole first week after he died,

Oma kept forgetting where Opa was.
She would say, "So where is pop again?"

(pop is what his kids call him)

and then we'd have to remind her yet again,

she would go through the emotions all over again.

Since she is no longer able to care for herself completely,

after Opa died, we moved her back into my aunt MaryJane's house

(who by the way is one of he most incredible, selfless people I know.)

Oma hates that she can't take care of her self.

She cries everytime my aunt or someone else has to help her with something,

or when she is by herself and realizes my Opa isn't there anymore,

or even when you're talking to her and any subject about my Opa or her being by herself comes up.

On Thursday night,

my Aunt had to work and my cousin  

(who lives in the basement and is there for my Oma when my Aunt can't be),

and her husband were going to a concert.

They needed someone to just be there with Oma for a couple of hours,

and since Tyson is gone all day Monday-Thursday because of school and work,

I thought this was a good time to spend with Oma.

I decided while driving there that I was just going to sleep there so that I would be able to get more sleep since I worked the next morning.

That was a good experience,

but since then, I have been unable to get Oma off my mind.

It just breaks my heart that I can't do anything for her.

She is so lonely.

I hate when things are out of my control.

It's one of the biggest struggles I have in life.

I can't STAND it!

I think that is one reason I have experienced so much death in my life.

I think the Lord is trying to teach me to learn to just let go and deal with the things that I am unable to control. It's seriously SO hard for me. I cry about it all of the time.

Tyson and I took Oma to Dinner on Saturday night.

I called her around 1:30 to ask her if she wanted to go to dinner.

I told her we'd be there around 4:30.

When we got there my cousin told me that she has been ready since right after she got off the phone with me.

She was in a beautiful dress and my cousin painted her nails for her.

When we walked into her room, she was sitting in her chair asleep.

I just wanted to cry.

She was asleep, all by herself.
She's been with my Opa for over 60 years and now all of the sudden she is by herself.

We sat with her for a while and I put earrings in her ears.

When my Aunt got home, she did her hair and then we left.

We had the best conversation during dinner.

I learned so much about Omas life.

She told me about her and my Opa's first date,

how long they dated before they were married,

she told me how much Dark hair he used to have and how good looking he was.

She told me so much about her life.

It was so fun to hear.

Tyson and I also thought it was cool because there are things about my Oma and Opa's relationship that Tyson and I also have.

Like, My Oma and Opa met for the first time at a dance.

So did we :)

haha it's not a huge deal but I loved that.

To be honest,

I was kinda disappointed when dinner was over.

We took her back home and I just miss her.

I always want to call her. I think it's because I just want to make things better for her.

I just want her to be as content as she was when Opa was here,

but whenever you talk to her, you can hear the pain in her voice.

I love her and wish I could just make her happy again!

****

On another note,

I am infuriated with my work.

Some people are so unsympathetic it's disgusting.

You know, I really love what I do.

But when the people you work with make you feel so horrible everytime you're there...and even when you're NOT, there's a problem.

I've been having problems with them since I got pregnant.

You'd think that since it's the WOMENS CENTER, they'd understand a little more about morning sickness and pregnancy and stuff.  But they could care less. They have been SO difficult.

I have been dealing with them treating me like I'm terrible at my job and them acting like, when I would be puking the first few hours of work during my first and second trimester, I'm a wimp. But after being treated the way I've been treated since my Opa died, I'm no longer tolerating it.

I left work after receiving that call that my Opa only had hours to live, so that I could be there with him and my family when he died. The next night, I called and talked to the Charge nurse about Funeral leave.

She told me I could take two days off. I asked her what steps I needed to take to get it and she told me just to email ONE person, the Scheduling lady.

I took Wednesday off so I could edit the story my Opa had wanted me to edit for a while and to practice for the song we were singing during the funeral.

I was including the second day as the day I left work. The day he died. 

I didn't work again until Saturday, so I thought it would be okay to take wednesday day off.

Well, one thing that I completely SPACED checking, was my On Call shift.

My Opas viewing was Thursday night and his Funeral was Friday.

I was on call on Friday.

Friday morning, the charge nurse called me and asked if I would be able to pick up an extra shift that day (my on call shift wasn't until 3...but at this point I still didn't realize I was on call).  I told her I couldn't and I explained to her that my Opa's funeral was that day so I wouldn't be able to work at all that day.

She knew that.

However,

at one o'clock,

right SMACK in the middle of the funeral, she calls me and leaves a message saying they need me for my on call shift.

I called back after hearing the message and explained to her YET AGAIN that I could not come in because I was currently at my Opa's funeral. She said "Well...you've had this whole week off."

I explained, again, that I took one full day off after he died and didn't think I worked again until Saturday.

I told her it was my fault for forgetting about my on call shift, I had just been really distracted and hadn't remembered to look.

I was a little annoyed after hanging up with her,

feeling like she was saying that I was lying about being at the funeral.

about an hour and a half later,

the "assistant supervisor" calls me.

I had talked to her wednesday afternoon, because I was cancelling a meeting I had with her telling her that I could not come in because my Grandpa had died.

She then said "I was under the impression that the funeral was Wednesday"

I never once told her that, I never once emphasized or tried to make her think that it was Wednesday.

I explained this to her and I told her that if this On call shift doesn't count as Funeral Leave, I can just take an Absence, because it was my fault for forgetting to check.

She tells me we'll talk about it when I get back and we get off the phone.

My dad was pretty angry at this point. He thought it was pretty ridiculous that my work was bugging me like this during a FUNERAL! He even wanted to talk to her when I was on the phone. Obviously I didn't let him, but I almost did!

Well, about an hour after that, when we were just getting home from the funeral,

my SUPERVISOR calls me. She tells me that she never even received an email about my funeral leave. I explained to her that the charge nurse I talked to on Tuesday told me just to email the scheduling lady and that was it. I was not even aware that I needed to email her. I then said "I think that there was a lot of miscommunication here" and she then says "No, there was NO communication" acting like I tried to do this was and like...go behind her back or something.

I was so angry after getting off the phone with her that I called HR and left a message. I then went to them on Monday and talked to them. I am still SOO upset about it.

Since then,

everytime I go to work someone either implys that I was trying to cheat the system,

or is mean. I was informed that the charge nurse pretty much made it aware to everyone on the day I was on call that she believed I was lying about the funeral leave. She talked about it with a lot of the staff and there was only ONE person there that was defending me.

I was at work yesterday.

There is another girl there that had a grandparent just die as well.

Do you KNOW how many times I've heard my co workers talking about how sad they are for her and how they feel so bad for her and all of this stuff?

No one ever even said anything to me.

No one even CARES. How is her grandparent more important than mine??

I have a meeting now with my boss on Wednesday because she is trying to say that she is counting my absence on the day of my Opa's funeral as a NO SHOW!

UH...no. I told the charge nurse that day TWICE before that shift started that I couldn't come in. That's not a no show. I'm am so angry with the way I've been treated about this whole thing. It infuriates me.

Tyson was out of town for work when my Opa died and guess what?

HIS work, let him come home early for the funeral and did not contact him ONCE until the funeral was over. not ONCE! THAT is how a company should treat their employee when a family member dies.

Sorry. I just needed to vent about that because my family is dealing with enough right now.

I don't need the bad management and gossiping, stupid, unsympathetic people that I work with giving me a hard time as well.

Anyway,

3 1/2 more weeks until I can start taking measures to go into labor :)

can't wait to meet my beautiful Kalista!

(even though my work will probably give me a hard time about maternity leave as well.)

OH did I mention, I've NEVER had a complaint from a patient? My patients at my job like me.

But since My co-workers don't,

I'm apparantly terrible at my job.