Bonnie's Birth Story

She's here!

After a difficult pregnancy,

and an incredibly miserable 2 weeks leading up to her birth,

She's finally arrived!

We can start way back on January 15th.

I was at church, sitting in sunday school and I could not for the life of me get comfortable.

I was having consistent braxton hicks and decided to get up and walk around for a bit.

After about 5 minutes of walking around,

I decided to sit on the couch in the Foyer.

It was the most comfortable place I could find and my back was killing me.

As I was sitting there I began feeling a couple of contractions.

They weren't as consistent as the braxton hicks,

but they were definitely contractions.

I sat there through most of Relief Society

and counted down the minutes until it was time to go home.

I seriously was ready to go. haha.

When we got home,

the contractions didn't stop.

In my mind,

I was SURE this was it.

Because DUH, once you start having contractions,

you're obviously in labor right? 😉

They weren't consistent and they would range anywhere from 5-20 minutes apart.

Sometimes I would even go almost an hour without having one.

This continued on into the next day,

and the next day,

and the next...

I was beginning to become really irritable.

I was hardly sleeping because of these dumb contractions and I couldn't get comfortable because of it.

But I knew it wasn't real labor because they weren't becoming more intense,

or consistently closer together.

I began bouncing on the birthing ball like a mad woman.

one day, it was literally all I did!

But that wasn't doing anything which made me even more frustrated.

By Friday,

I was just an emotional mess.

I was miserable.

The contractions were now between 2 and 10 minutes apart at this point,

and although I knew they weren't getting stronger,

they were starting to hurt, and I was crying everytime I got one.

Not because they were so bad to the point of crying, but once you have mild contractions for that long, they start to hurt. Mostly just because they were going on for so long, and I was tired. 

My back hurt,

my front hurt,

my entire body was starting to hurt.

By about 4 pm,

I was starting to wonder if my water was leaking.

This parts a little TMI,

but I was having a lot of discharge which I hadn't had at all until the day before.

On top of that,

I'd had it.

I could NOT do it anymore.

and my next dr appointment wasn't until Tuesday,

so I called the nurse.

She recommended I go in if the contractions were making me cry and also if I even questioned if my water was leaking since obviously it could get dangerous if I waited more than 24 hours with broken water.

subconsciously,

I knew that the reason I was crying was because they had been going on for SO LONG,

and while I wasn't sure if it was my water or not,

I really didn't have much hope.

BUT,

to be on the safe side, we headed to L&D

We packed the kids in the car,

took them to my parents house,

and drove to the hospital.

TWO hours later,

we were finally there.

I was still an emotional wreck.

I was miserable, tired, and honestly didn't think I could do it anymore.

I had been 0% effaced and dilated to a whopping 0 at my appointment the week before

(which was also before I began contracting).

So I was praying that these miserable contractions were actually doing something.

When she checked me,

I was dilated to a 1+ and 0% effaced.

I was so upset that it was just a 1.

I'd been contracting for 5 days and that was it!?

an hour later,

I wasn't progressing,

so the nurse decided to give me a shot of morphine, said if I was still getting the same contractions after it wore off, to come back in.

I welcomed the morphine shot!

If I wasn't in labor,

I just wanted the pain to go away so I could get some sleep!!

Sure enough,

the morphine did it's job.

I was So out of it, Tyson had to practically carry me to bed.

he took SUCH good care of me during all of this.

They suggested that I take a bath when I got home,

so he helped me inside after we got home,

started the bath for me,

and made sure I was okay.

Then a little later,

he came in,

woke me up because I was out of it while in the tub,

helped me out,

and walked/carried me to bed. haha

They said the morphine would last about 8 hours, but it was almost 24 for me.

I felt so groggy the next day.

By around noon, I started feeling contractions again,

but because the morphine was still affecting my head,

I didn't care.

It was really weird.

I could feel them,

but they didn't bother me at all. haha

That night,

I went to my roommates baby shower.

She was due two days before me.

While we were there, I had a couple intense contractions.

They were the strongest I'd felt so far, but they were maybe 10 or 15 minutes apart.

I again,

wondered if I was in labor.

After leaving the shower,

I told myself that if they continued to be that strong,

I'd go in.

The shower was about an hour away from my house,

and by the time I got home,

they weren't that strong anymore.

I was of COURSE still having them,

but nothing strong again.

So I went to bed.

The next day (sunday),

I didn't go to church.

I was miserable still and still having the same contractions.

I texted my mom that night and asked her if she could come be with the kids while they slept,

because I was going to go back to L&D (because that's what they said to do!).

We got there around 10 pm.

They checked me and I was at a 2+ and still 0% effaced.

BUT,

lo and behold,

I didn't progress in an hour,

so I was sent home.

I was in the WORST mood after this.

The entire pregnancy I had wanted to let my body go into labor on it's own this time.

I wanted to avoid pitocin for as long as possible,

and see how far I could dilate on my own before getting the epidural.

But at this point,

I didn't care about that.

While I really REALLY wanted to see how far I could go,

if this was how labor was going to be,

I just wanted them to give me pitocin, give me an epidural,

and get my body moving faster!

On tuesday,

I got to my appointment,

and I was already in THE WORST MOOD.

So when they told me that my dr wasn't even there,

and that I wasn't supposed to be scheduled that day,

I literally burst into tears.

It wasn't just a little bit.

It was FULL ON ugly cry tears,

where I was doing that hyperventilating type breathing and everything.

haha

I honestly couldn't control it anymore.

my nurse told me she would find someone to check me,

and even set up an induction date for me that day so that I had something to look forward to.

She got another OB to come and check me.

he said I was still at a 2+, but I was about 60% effaced.

Seriously,

my body WAS progressing,

but slower than anything IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!

haha

She also had me schedule another appointment for that coming Friday, the 27th.

My doctor would be there then and she said he'd strip my membranes.

This was 3 days away.

While that doesn't seem like very long,

when you're contracting consistently,

it feels like an ETERNITY!!

I miraculously made it to Friday though!

I was 38 weeks and 3 days at this point.

side note: before all this contracting started, I was totally fine even if I was going to go over my due date. I wanted to labor on my own without help.  I had actually hoped that I would go 4 days over due so that she would be born on the 11th. That way all my kids would have their birthdays on the 11th! However, since I was contracting forever, I could not FATHOM waiting any longer and my plan to not be induced, was no longer an option in my book. I WAS going to be induced if my body didn't progress by February 1st!

When he checked me, I hadn't progressed since Tuesday, which was even more upsetting to me!

He agreed to strip my membranes, told me to schedule for another appointment on Monday were he would strip them again, and then I would be induced that Tuesday if nothing had happened yet.

I left that appointment feeling So defeated.

He SAID he had just stripped my membranes,

but not only did I feel like it hadn't done anything,

I wasn't contracting anymore.

Braxton hicks came, but the painful crampy contractions had left.

I didn't have much hope that the membrane strip did anything,

but was happy the contractions had stopped for the time being and met my sister at Carls Jr for lunch.

While at carls jr,

I started contracting again,

but they were pretty much the same as before.

After lunch,

I went to target with my kids and started doing a really weird bouncy walk through the aisles. haha

I was contracting and told myself that this better be it and I bounced up and down to ensure that this was the case. haha

after target,

I went back to my sisters house.

It was my nephews birthday and I was helping her make his cake.

I was contracting at first,

but as time went on,

they stopped again.

My nephews party started at 6:30

and about 15 minutes into the party,

I started contracting again...

but this time they were stronger.

At one point I went in to a different room and started timing them.

Some of them were SO strong. 

it went from painful contractions every 2 minutes or so,

and then after about 30 minutes, I was still "contracting" every 2 minutes,

but some were more like braxton hicks where they weren't very painful and mostly just lots of pressure. 

The painful contractions were about every 3 or 4 braxton hicks apart.

My sister asked if my kids wanted to sleep at her house as part of the birthday party,

and I quickly accepted! How perfect would that be if this was really labor right?

After the party,

my other sister and her husband asked us if we wanted to go to dinner.

I really didn't have an appetite

and wasn't really up for it,

but decided that was a good way to put off going home if this was real labor.

(our house was 30 minutes in the opposite direction of the hospital. So if this WAS labor, I didn't want to go home first, just to turn around and head back. Especially because one of my biggest fears through this LONG LABOR was that my body was suddenly going to speed up and I wasn't going to make it to the hospital in time since it was an hour away! Which was also one of the reasons I kept going int to be checked. I seriously was so scared I wouldn't make it for the epidural and that terrified me.)

We decided on the Pie Pizzeria.

I figured that could give us good vibes for labor because it's where my sister ate the night she went into labor with her son (the one who's birthday was that day.)

While eating at the pie,

my contractions/braxton hicks continued regularly about 1-2 minutes apart.

Some really bothered me,

others I could mostly ignore.

But about 30 minutes into eating,

I really started to feel like this might be it.

SO,

we packed up our things and headed to the hospital.

I was a 3+ when I got there

and an hour later,

I'd progressed to a 5.

They decided then to admit me!

I was REALLY surprised I'd progressed so much!

They broke my water about 30 minutes after admitting me

and I was so proud of myself for how well I was handling the contractions.

I thought I was going to be a  lot more wimpy. haha

I got myself to 6+ and then made a dumb decision.

I asked them to give me a low dose of pitocin so I could try to get to a 7 before getting the epidural.

They gave me that pitocin,

and not only did it not do anything,

it slowed me down.

for another maybe 3 hours,

I sat there contracting with the stupid pitocin and I didn't progress AT ALL.

Really wanted to make it to a 7,

but I was at a 6+ and that was good enough!

She gave me some medication to help the pain in my IV that she said could last anywhere from a few minutes, to an hour depending on how far in to labor I was. 

It lasted long enough for me to take a 15 minute nap,

and that was it.

I told the nurse that I wanted the epidural in another hour whether I progressed or not,

because it was starting to not only get painful,

but I was worried that if I waited any longer,

I wouldn't have time!

She left and a couple minutes later,

came in and said that there was going to be a line if I waited any longer for the epidural,

so she recommended I do it then just to be safe.

SO,

I agreed and got the epidural.

which was a good thing, because the last two contractions I had before he stuck that giant needle in my back, were so bad that they made me cry. 

Yeah, I know, all of you who know me think that's not hard to do...

but I was doing SO GOOD at handling the pain until that point. 

The epidural lowered my blood pressure significantly. 

The same thing happened with Hayleigh as well, although with Hayleigh, I felt the effects more than I did this time. 

They had to give me some medication in my IV to raise it, 

and while it took a second, 

my blood pressure got better and all was well.

About an hour and a half into getting the epidural, 

the nurse checked me and I still hadn't progressed. 

At this point,

Kalista and Hayleigh were just waking up.

I asked my sister to FaceTime me when they woke up,

so we could tell them the news.

Kali had been anxiously waiting for this day,

and her reaction did not disappoint!

 Kali cried from pure excitement, 

and they both were SO excited!

It was so fun to see their response. 

After 3 hours of having the epidural, 

the nurse checked me.

....Well, actually

she just put her hand down there and felt the head. 

haha

She said, not push or anything,

and they were going to call the Dr. cause the head was right there. 

Sure enough, 

as soon as he got there, 

I pushed 1 1/2 times 

and our tiny little peanut was born! 

Bonnie Ann

Born January 28th 2017

weighing 5 pounds 5 ounces

and 18 inches long. 

it's so bizarre to me how teeny tiny she was!

The longer my kids have "cooked", 

the smaller they've been. 

Kalista, who was 36.6 weeks was 6 pounds 7 ounces

Hayleigh, who was 37.4 weeks, was 6 pounds 6 ounces

and 

Bonnie, who was 38.4 weeks, was 5 pounds 5 ounces!

Side note: It doesn't matter how hard I try to do my hair at the beginning of labor, 

it always ends up looking INSANE once baby is born. haha 

Kalista and Hayleigh are the best big sisters ever! 

They are overly obsessed with her to the point that I literally cannot take my eyes off Bonnie,

out of fear that they will maul her! haha

You cannot have Faith without having Hope.

We have some big changes coming in our family and I'm not just referring to a new baby. 

Without being too personal since this is, in fact, on the internet, 

I need somewhere to share this so that I don't forget it. 

We are about to take a big risk as a family. 

The biggest risk we've made in our entire marriage and I'm scared!

Mostly because I am such a control freak. 

I have such an intense need to control everything in my life, 

and with what is about to happen, 

I have to let my control go, and put more faith in my husband. 

Tyson is an incredible husband and I trust him more than anyone else. 

However, because of my personality, it's hard for me to just let go and not have an incredible anxiety attack in the process. 

I've been praying, getting advice from others, reading scriptures and reading talks on lds.org to help me with this and while I was reading a talk by elder H. Bruce Stucki of the seventy, I came across the scripture Moroni 7:33 

 33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.

and then I kept reading: 

37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.

 39 But behold, my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, for I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not fit to be numbered among the people of his church.

 40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?

 41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

 42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

I'm so grateful because I feel like this has helped me so much. 

Tyson was talking to me a few months ago about how faith and hope go hand in hand and these scriptures reminded me of what we talked about. 

I've been such a pessimist about this new path we are taking. 

I have been so convinced and certain that something will go wrong, 

what we are talking about is too good to be true, 

and have had a hard time believing that the good that will come of this is really going to happen. 

I've played through every worst case scenario in my head and focused on those and stressed and stressed about them. 

After reading these scriptures tonight, 

I have realized that I need to have more hope. 

I need to give my worries and stresses to the Lord,

and I need to have more faith that it's going to work out. 

It's going to be SO hard to do, 

But I know it will be good for me

plus,

it will be a great learning experience regardless of the outcome.

Pregnancy Update.

Since I'm now 31 weeks pregnant,

I thought I should probably give a little info on how it's going!

As I mentioned in the previous post,

we are having ANOTHER girl!!!

It's all we know how to make, but I'm totally fine with it because it's also all I know.

haha. To be honest, while Tyson REALLY wanted a boy,

I was a little nervous about it because it would've been a whole new ball game for me and completely different.

and because I hadn't been 100% about having another baby at first, the thought of having a boy just brought on a weird type of anxiety. Not that I wouldn't absolutely ADORE HIM, 

It would have just been out of my comfort zone at first. 

This pregnancy has definitely been something else. 

I was sick sick sick with Kali, but it was nothing compared to how I felt this time around. 

I literally could barely move for the first 17 weeks. 

I ended up being so sick, I couldn't even keep down a popsicle, which resorted to me having to get one of these suckers...

Which was really awesome since we don't have insurance this time around. 

(thanks Obama. 😂)

I have a story about this IV as well that I would like to document and will do so in the next post. 

Anyway,

I was miserable and couldn't move until about 18 weeks. 

After that, 

I could get out of bed, but could only be up and moving for about15 minutes at a time. 

on top of that, the amount pure exhaustion I felt was insane. 

I seriously couldn't get enough sleep and had to take at least one 2 hour nap a day in order to even attempt to be a mom. 

By about 25 weeks,

I was just starting to feel like I could perform a task without taking a break in the middle, 

when sickness struck our household.

It started about a week before Halloween.

I was helping in Kalista's kindergarten class when I noticed a little boy with a terrible cough.

I made sure to steer clear of him because getting sick was the LAST thing I needed,

and I did a pretty good job doing so...

that's when it happened.

all the kids were lining up to get ready to go home for the day,

when this little boy walked right up to Kali and coughed directly in her face.

That's when I knew it was over.

Sure enough, 4 days later Kalista had a full blown cough.

I wasn't too concerned because she didn't seem sick besides that. 

Then Hayleigh got the cough. She was a little worse, 

but still was herself for the most part.

A couple days later I got it.

at first I wasn't worried because based off how my kids handled it,

I figured I'd be fine.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

That cough quickly turned into pneumonia. 

BACK IN BED ALL DAY I WENT.

I was so upset about it because my house had been neglected for 25 weeks now! 

It took a couple days for me to call my doctor, 

but after I started the meds, 

I was feeling better about 3 days later. 

Not 24 hours after I felt like I could get out of bed again,

Hayleigh started throwing up.

The poor girl couldn't keep anything down. 

She had caught that terrible stomach flu that was SOO easy to catch this year. 

Then Kali got that within 24 hours...

and just as I thought I'd avoided it,

we had thanksgiving dinner two weeks early at my parents house...

 and that night..

I puked it ALL UP.

So much for EVER being able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner again! 😞

The next day,

I was so sick that Tyson, 

who NEVER stays home from work might I add,

could tell just by looking at me that I wasn't going to make it through the day without him.

So he called in,

which he's only done maybe two other times in our entire marriage,

and he took care of me and the kids all day.

I was literally SO SICK. 

I could barely even get out of bed to make it to the toilet in time to throw up.

Tyson's immune system is pretty tough and he had been able to avoid getting sick at all up to this point. 

but the next day,

he called me from work saying he wasn't feeling well.

I KNEW he had what I'd had and told him to come home.

But because he's crazy, he refused. 

He called me later that day and said he finally threw up and was feeling fine.

MAN I wish it'd been that simple for me. haha

At this point I was convinced that pregnancy makes any illness 10X worse. 

We had TWO more illnesses after this and THIS week,

it's December 6th might I add, 

is the first week that none of us are really sick.

I think I might have a cold right now, 

but It's nothing I can't handle. 

Seriously,

we went through about 5 illnesses back to back in our house from the week before halloween until now. 

I'm 31 weeks,

well into my 3rd trimester,

and I feel better than I have the ENTIRE pregnancy.

(Even with a cold!)

I do have days where I'm really tired and need a nap. 

if I don't get that nap I'm really on edge,

my sciatic nerve hurts on and off,

and when the baby moves a lot I get really sick,

but besides that I'm feeling like a million bucks!

haha

I have accomplished more in the last week than I have my entire pregnancy.

that's not an exaggeration either. 

This past week I finally started getting things for this baby. 

At this point with my other kids I pretty much had the entire nursery done already! haha

OH WELL, 

you don't need much at the beginning anyway. 

We chose the name for our sweet baby girl before we'd even decided to have another one.

We had a girl name and boy named picked out

(I picked the girl, Tyson picked the boy)

I'm weird like that and have to be prepared. haha

So our new sweet angel's name is going to be 

Bonnie Ann.

My Grandma's name is Bonnie and I've been so in love with it. 

Ann is after my sister and grandmother in law.

I've been so excited to have my grandma meet and hold my sweet baby and take a picture of both Bonnie's. 

But at this point, that will probably not happen. 

My Grandma has kidney failure and is now at the point where dialysis isn't working anymore.

She officially stopped dialysis last week and the doctor has given her 1-3 weeks to live. 

While I know she will be so much happier this way,

I selfishly am devastated. 

Why now?

I'm 31 weeks and I wanted more than anything for her to meet this baby.

It's hard for me to talk about and I am so heartbroken,

but I know that she will be happier this way. 

My grandma has had a hard life and deserves to finally be comfortable and at peace. 

She will actually get to meet baby Bonnie before all of us,

and if this baby is as self-less, strong, and incredible as she is, 

I will be happy. 💗

Elf on the Shelf and Santa Pictures

It's literally been years since my last post.

Things are SO different these days!

But I need somewhere to document life. I've tried youtube, and it's just not something I can do as much as I want because of the lack of space on my computer. I can't even make one video without receiving pop-ups that tell me that my "disk space" is full.

SO, until I get another computer with more storage, my videos will be set at bare minimum and I will be blogging again!!

Kalista is now 5!

Hayleigh is 3!

and

We have another sweet baby girl on the way!
I'll be 30 weeks on Tuesday. Due February 7th! 

While it's not possible to recap life since my last post,

I will just start where life is now and see where that takes me ;)

We are just entering into the Christmas season.

The Holidays become more and more fun each year, as the girls get bigger.

This is the first year that Kali not only remembers the previous year, but she remembers specific details.

She has been talking about Christmas for months and has been SO excited for it!

We started a new tradition last year.

One that I honestly never thought I'd do.

To be honest, I've always been against Elf on the Shelf because I thought it was stupid.

I hated the fact that the elf always did "naughty" things, and I still hate that fact.

The point of the elf is to make sure the kids behave,

so why would you make the elf misbehave?

I've learned that teaching by example is one of the most effect ways of parenting,

at least with my kids.

So sending an elf, that tells them to be good, but is naughty herself, was kind of contradicting and didn't teach a very good lesson for my kids.

But last year, when I saw that Elf on the Shelf on sale,

something inside me said I just HAD to get it.

I couldn't resist.

Who says the elf has to be naughty?

It's also a great way to incorporate the true meaning of Christmas.

Teaching the girls that Santa and his elves also focus on the true meaning of Christmas, is an awesome teaching opportunity.
It also makes Christmas that much more magical!

SO,

we started the elf thing.

Our elf is VERY obedient and she is here to make sure the girls are not only behaving,

but she also takes time to teach them about the true meaning of Christmas.

She doesn't do it every day,

but she makes sure it's the main focus.

I really wanted to document it this year,

because I didn't last year and this Elf is SO important to Kali.

She LOVES this elf!

So, I'd like to introduce our Elf "Sparkles"

Where she made her entrance for the year.

After reading the book and the letter, 

Kalista started talking to the elf.

She asked her what she was grateful for, 

so obviously I had to take advantage of that!

So, 

last night "Sparkles" wrote another letter

I'm no rhyming genuis, but it's good enough for the kids! haha

They had so much fun finding all of the candy canes this morning.
I wish I had recorded it! 

Here's where she ended up tonight.

It's so much fun watching the girls excitement every morning when they look for the Elf. 

I love how much magic she brings into our home and I'm so happy that I decided to do it!

Sparkles showed up for the first time last night while we were out getting our "santa" pictures. 

here are a few of them. 

I'm just a little disappointed with how they turned out. 

I was more impressed with the ones we've had done in previous years, 

but I still think they turned out cute. 

I just am annoyed that the photographer really didn't get a picture of both girls with their darling smiles in the same picture. Let me show you what I mean:

Kalista's smile is beautiful, but Hayleigh is making a funny face. This is because the photographer told them to say something, and they repeated it over and over. They stopped after we told them to only say it once, but apparently she didn't add those pictures. 

This black and white would be SO much better if Hayleigh wasn't making such a silly face..

Same thing here. Hayleigh is talking. Kali's smile is perfect though.

Here, Hayleigh's smile is so cute and fitting for her personality, but Kalista is talking this time. 

So I am a little disappointed, but they will work.

These next poses are obviously their favorite. Tyson likes them too. haha

These last poses, are what I decided to put in my Christmas cards.

Remind me not to let them photograph my pregnant belly ever again. 

I feel like I totally destroyed this pose.

However, both girls look darling and we might as well have all of us in our Christmas cards! 

I wanted to do this one for the Christmas cards, but Tyson thinks it should be in color. 

We went to firehouse subs after getting our pictures.

I've literally only been there like one other time and I wasn't disappointed with what I got.

I totally hit the spot! 

Girls loved it as well since they both got their own hats. 

I'm so excited for Christmas this year!!!