You cannot have Faith without having Hope.

We have some big changes coming in our family and I'm not just referring to a new baby. 

Without being too personal since this is, in fact, on the internet, 

I need somewhere to share this so that I don't forget it. 

We are about to take a big risk as a family. 

The biggest risk we've made in our entire marriage and I'm scared!

Mostly because I am such a control freak. 

I have such an intense need to control everything in my life, 

and with what is about to happen, 

I have to let my control go, and put more faith in my husband. 

Tyson is an incredible husband and I trust him more than anyone else. 

However, because of my personality, it's hard for me to just let go and not have an incredible anxiety attack in the process. 

I've been praying, getting advice from others, reading scriptures and reading talks on lds.org to help me with this and while I was reading a talk by elder H. Bruce Stucki of the seventy, I came across the scripture Moroni 7:33 

 33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.

and then I kept reading: 

37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.

 39 But behold, my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, for I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not fit to be numbered among the people of his church.

 40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?

 41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

 42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

I'm so grateful because I feel like this has helped me so much. 

Tyson was talking to me a few months ago about how faith and hope go hand in hand and these scriptures reminded me of what we talked about. 

I've been such a pessimist about this new path we are taking. 

I have been so convinced and certain that something will go wrong, 

what we are talking about is too good to be true, 

and have had a hard time believing that the good that will come of this is really going to happen. 

I've played through every worst case scenario in my head and focused on those and stressed and stressed about them. 

After reading these scriptures tonight, 

I have realized that I need to have more hope. 

I need to give my worries and stresses to the Lord,

and I need to have more faith that it's going to work out. 

It's going to be SO hard to do, 

But I know it will be good for me

plus,

it will be a great learning experience regardless of the outcome.

SO Blessed

We have been so blessed lately.

Blessings are just pouring out left and right. 

I'm so grateful for everything that has happened lately.

I really believe that we experience trials and hardships so that we can appreciate it more when things are going well. 

A few months ago I remember wondering why we were experiencing some of the things that were happening. 

We felt so strongly that it was time to have another baby and within a month after announcing our pregnancy I swear it felt like everything was falling into pieces around us. 

It was like everything that could go wrong...was going wrong. 

It was not only stressful, but incredibely frustrating.

I had such a hard time understanding why we were told to have another baby,

yet it felt like now that we were,

everything was falling apart. 

After a lot of hard work, prayer and pushing through,

things are finally falling into place.

Not only that, 

but better than they were before and in ways that I could have ever imagined. 

The past 3 weeks things have come together that I didn't even think was possible. 

I have strongly felt the Lords hand in our lives the last few weeks and I've come to realize how important it was that we experienced what we did in order to appreciate what we have now.

I"m so grateful for everything in my life right now. 

and I'm SO excited to see what is in store for us!

Christmas/New Year

First off,

Happy New Year!!

Last year was great,

the best part being the birth of our Beautiful Kali.

Now to making it another great year to remember!

Christmas was so fun!

definitely one of the best Christmases ever!

It all started with Kali's first Visit to Santa!

She absolutely LOVED him.

I was so happy to see her enjoy him so much.

When we first put her on his lap,

she just stared at him...

then she looked over  at us and began smiling really big!

Complete with holding his fingers and all ;)

I sure love her.

Next was the Pixton Christmas party.

(Tyson's moms family)

Santa was there as well,

but I don't have a picture :(

I do Have Kali in her cute santa outfit though :)

The month went on with,

My sister coming home for the Holidays from Texas!

We got together right after she got here,

and made chocolate covered Cake bites!

mmm...

so Delish.

Then on to the rest of the partys...

With Santa at the DeMie Christmas Eve party.

/\ This was on Christmas Eve Eve.

On Christmas Eve,

we ended up at the Car Dealership...

and Tyson bought me my Christmas present!

You have no idea how much I love this car!

Christmas was so much fun with Kali!

We had to wake her up early,

because we were going to my parents house for breakfast.

Here's how much Santa spoiled this child...

She had so much fun!

The presents didn't stop there though...

We went to my parents house,

and she was overwhelmed with gifts there as well.

This was my favorite of the gifts they gave her.

This horse sings and prances.

It's so cute.

My little sister also gave her a really cute santa dressed monkey.

That was my other favorite,

but I forgot to take a picture :S

Dustin, Andrea and Avery came over the day after Christmas,

and gave Kali 4 of the Original Christmas Classic movies.

I can't WAIT until she gets into movies more,

because I LOVED those growing up.

They also gave us a gift card to Zupas, which we used that day.

haha

Anyway.

We had an INCREDIBLE Christmas!

I can't end without saying that I'm so grateful for the birth of Our Savior.

He's the real meaning of Christmas and I really felt the Spirit this year.

It was a wonderful month.

***

We just kept it low key for new years eve.

We spent the Evening with my parents with Pizza, Games and Movies.

Tyson and I made a New years Resolution this year that we started immediately.

We want to lose weight.

We're doing Isogenix.

It's SO tough,

but as long as I keep my eye on the prize,

I think I'll make it.

Tyson is doing way better than me :)

I'm going to make another 101 goals in 1001 days as well. 

I failed miserabely with the one I was doing on my other blog.

But I WILL do better with this one :)

That post to come...

30 DC #26

26. your religious beliefs.

I'm LDS.

:-) 

Blessing Day!

Yesterday was Kalista's blessing Day.

It was Such a good day.

She started getting fussy the second church started,

but once Tyson picked her up and walked her to the circle,

she quieted down and was good until he sat back down.

I was so glad that she behaved for at least that little part!

haha

The not so happy girl in her dress.

The only way I could get her to be happy for a picture...

was put her in her swing!

Here are a couple of pictures of her with my Oma

and my dad :)

Thanks to my cousin Monique for taking these last two pictures!

House/Almost finished Nursery Pictures

Okay so I took some pictures of my house!

The Nursery isn't quite finished yet,

but it's close enough.

I still need to get a curtain for her window and hopefully stain/get a matching crib.

But here we go.

Let me take you on a tour!

Let's start with the...

Living room.

This is what you see when you're standing at the front door.

(The blinds are closed because when they're open, it's so light that you can't take a picture. I LOVE how much light there is in this house)

This is our TV :)

It's like a mini theater!

Yes, Projector included and all.

Kitchen

Doors to the Balcony.

The view out there is BEAUTIFUL!

One day, I will try to take a picture.

That window is open, so sorry about the glare.

and don't mind Kali's swing just hanging out.

It was the best place to put it to keep it out of the way!

I just realized on of the cupboards are open.

So please do your best to ignore it ;)

As you can see,

I am SOO far from finished with Decorating the top of the cabinets.

If anyone has suggestions,

I'm open to them!

That door to the left leads to the Laundry room.

I didn't take a picture because it's the laundry room...haha

and I forgot.

let's turn back around and go to the..

Half Bath/Guest Bathroom

Yes, I know you all were just dying to see the toilet...

ha

Now,

let's head downstairs...

Walking backwards...haha

Master Bedroom

Sorry about the blurry picture.

Again, it's because of the light.

Turn to your right and we have,

The bed.

Let me tell you something about this comforter.

This is an old one that I had before we got married.

We bought a new one when we moved in that was SOO cute and matched perfectly with the bed.

However,

last week Kali puked all over it.

really. It was everywhere.

So I,

being the genius that I am decided to put it in the washing machine.

Needless to say,

we no longer have that comforter.

Such a waste of money and made me sick.

Anyway, moving on.

If you turn around you will see...

My Vanity.

When we moved in,

Tyson was so excited about having two vanities

(you will see his in a bit)

He hates sharing one when we are both getting ready at once and he made it very clear that this was mine and the other one was his.

haha The only time I use his is when I'm brushing my teeth.

This is his favorite part of the house. quite frankly, I don't blame him.

Now,

turn to your right and you have...

The Closet :)

and turn back around to your left and you have the...

Full Bathroom

The bathroom has Tysons Vanity.

This bathroom can be entered through the bedroom, OR the hallway.

Now let's head on over to Kali's Nursery...

That door to the left is the storage room under the stairs.

No I didn't take a picture of that either.

I didn't forget...it's just...the storage room!

ha

Nursery

,

Her Crib.

Like I said,

I need it to match her other furniture.

But we got this for FREE so I'm not going to complain :)

Turn around and you will see...

Her Closet and Bows

Opening her Closet,

You'll see how many clothes she has!

Spoiled girl.

Her Toy Box,
and Finally,

Her Bows!

As you see,

her nursery is just super super simple.

NOTHING like I had planned before,

but I'm really not about wasting money on it.

So this is good enough for me!!

That sums up the tour of our lovely home!

We love it here and feel so so SO incredibly blessed to have what we have.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 :)

ten. Favorite Places to be. 
in no particular order...
1. in bed, sleeping, while cuddling up with my sexy husband and beautiful daughter

2. at home, playing with my baby and hubby

3. on a date with Tyson, anywhere, just with him on a date

4. Lagoon or some kind of theme park
5. Swimming

6. out with friends

7. somewhere with an ocean

8. Visiting and playing with Dustin, Andrea and Avery

9. Dancing

10. Shopping for Kalista

nine. Weird things about me

1. I love to take baths

2. I have extreme insomnia. So while my baby is sound alseep (like right now), I'm wide awake with 100000 things going through my head.

 3. I'm SUPER cheap and usually won't by something unless it is on sale or I get some kind of deal on it.

 4. I hate clothes shopping for myself [when i'm purchasing it..] and will make up any excuse I possibly can to avoid it

 5. I am wayyyy too OCD about some things, especially when it comes to my house and organization.

 6. I have to run and jump when I'm getting on a bed that someone could fit under...(ever seen "The Sixth Sense"??)

 7. For some reason, when I was pregnant with Kali, I craved, more than anything else, chewing on a sponge. There were times that my mouth would water just thinking about it. (SOOO gross. I don't know where the heck that came from)

 8. I'm an Irish twin. :)

 9. I HATE driving my car. Not because I hate driving, but because it makes me sick to think about how many miles I'm putting on it.

 
eight. Things I am going to do this summer

1. SWIM
2. Lagoon
3. boating (at least I really really really really want to)
4. Taylor Swift Concert with my good pal, Stefanie
5. Get a tan!
6. Figure out how to get rid of Kalista's Acid Reflux!
7. Get my hair done (seriously thinking about cutting it off. I know a lot of new moms do it, but it's starting to BUGG ME)
8. Lose at least 10 pounds

seven. Things I am thinking of. 

1. My husband <3 I miss him. I'm at my Oma's taking care of her tonight, so Kali and I don't get to sleep with him tonight.
2. Kalista Jean
3. The creepy movie that is on the T.V. right now. Not sure what it is.
4. Breastfeeding
5. water. I'm THIRSTY
6. How I am really really really tired, but can't sleep
7. my oma

six. Things I am wearing. 

1. light pink, capri pajamas
2. coast guard t-shirt
3. elastic around my wrist
4. nail polish
5. My wedding ring
6. my undergarments :)

five. Things I am worried about

1. how much sleep I'll get tonight
2. my Oma
3. Kali. I really want her to start feeling better
4. passing the CNA test I have to retake because my license has expired.
5. and, of course, MONEY

four. Things on my floor
well, I'm not home and the floor here is not technically MY FLOOR. So let me think about home...
1. Kali's bouncer
2. *sniff* a trail of partly used laundry detergent left by the comforter that my washer destroyed...that I didn't have a chance to clean up before having to come to Oma's *sniff*
3. my breast pump
4. pillows

three. Things I want to do today

1. Get some sleep since it's 12:30 am
2. Clean my house
3. Go to Target

two. Things I will reveal

1. I am constantly worrying about whether or not I'm a good mom and if I am really doing everything right for Kali
2. I HATE unsolicited advice

one. A Secret

1. Okay, I just barely started admitting this to myself, so this is kinda huge that I'm putting it on here for the world to see: There are a LOT of things I hate about myself.  I mean I know they say, "you're your own worst critic", but really, there are not many things I can think of that I do like about myself. I have been working really really hard, especially since I've been married to change who I am, but sometimes I just think "If I was someone else and I met me, I wouldn't like me" I just feel like I always come off as either grumpy, or that I think I'm better than everyone else.  I am neither of those things, but it has come to my attention that it's the way I come across to people. 

I also hate how I can never explain my feelings to people. Like, I can write my feelings down and everything makes sense in my head, but when it comes to talking about something that I'm upset about, I can't. It always ends up in a huge arguement. Not necessarily with Tyson, I think we are starting to communicate really well, but with other people around me. Particularly my extended family.

We've been trying a lot harder to include the Gospel in our lives more than we have been and I feel like that is helping a lot. But I just feel very misunderstood sometimes. I feel like lately I have burned many bridges and I don't even know why. i.e. EVERYONE I worked with at my job at IMC. I'm SOOOO GLAD I don't work there anymore because everyone. seriously like, 90% of the people there hate my guts. I strongly believe that a lot of the people there are rude, judgemental and insensitive, but besides that, I just feel like I'm sometimes really annoying.

THANK HEAVEN for Tyson. He talks to me about all of this stuff and even helps me figure out how to fix them. Although I have a long long way to go, I think Tyson is ultimately the one that has helped me get as far as I have. I love him SO SO MUCH! 

WOAH that was a long answer to #1. 

haha. 

Anyway. 

Maybe I'll be able to sleep now since I've been staring at the computer for the last 20 minutes. 

CROSS YOUR FINGERS!! :)

Forever and ever and ever

We went to the Temple today.

We've been so bad at going and haven't been since probably last November.

We had some things that we've been stressing about and today was the perfect opportunity to go.

We've been seriously stressing about buying and house and since my Supervisor just moved me to part time starting May 15th, we're now worried that we won't qualify.

Yeah I really thought ahead on that one huh?

So,

we went to the temple.

It was a very interesting Temple visit

but also very spiritual.

I love the way I feel when I go.

I just feel so much burden lifted when I enter the Lords house.

we really need to go more.

We have no excuse not to besides the fact that we're busy...

but aren't we all??

When we got there, 

I could barely fit into my temple dress and it took two of the women in the dressing room to help me zip it up.

I was sort of embarassed but glad that I had an excuse :-)

We decided today that we wanted to do sealings.

So,

they led us to the  sealing room.

I was feeling really good.

We were sitting in the chairs and they were doing Children sealings to their parents.

During those I became a little emotional and reality seemed to hit me all of the sudden.

 I've known this but haven't really given much thought to it.

Kalista is going to be my daughter forever.

She is going to be born into the Covenant.
do you know how incredibely happy that makes me?

It hit me so hard in that room.

Realizing that Tyson and I are bringing a child into this world,

together,

and into the Covenant.

She is ours forever.

It is something I've always wanted.

I rememeber sobbing at night after deciding to place Avery for adoption,

thinking that she wasn't going to be sealed to me...

What I didn't realize then,

 was that if I DIDN'T place her for adoption,

She would have never been sealed to her parents.

I am positive that her birth father would have never given up his rights as her father to let Tyson adopt her, which would mean she would have never had the blessing of being sealed to her parents.

Do you know how awful I would feel right now if Avery was MY daughter and I had to tell her that she was the only one of her siblings that wasn't sealed to us??

Talk about horrible.

This is yet another reason that Adoption is so amazing.

and I am SOO happy that I can say that Kalista is sealed to me.

The Joy I feel when saying that is unreal. I can't find the right words to explain the happiness I feel.

During Tyson and I's first sealing,

I began feeling really nauseous and then Dizzy and then I could feel the blood drain from my face.

I looked up at Tyson worried that I might not make it through.

I was sure I was going to pass out.

I finally just inturrupted and explained that I was really sorry but I felt like I was going to pass out.

He took one look at me and thanked me for telling him and told Tyson to help me to a chair.

Once I sat down, he began telling me that he was glad I said something and started explaining why.

I couldn't hear however, because my ears were ringing.

I was sure I was going to throw up and pass out.

I finally just said,

I think I need to leave.

He agreed and told Tyson to go with me.

I was humiliated...but I can promise you that if I hadn't interrupted,

I would have passed out.

 and how humiliating would that have been?

Because of this we just decided to go to the Celestial room early.

I know it was just today,

but after that visit I have felt SO confident with the decision we've made.

I am actually,

 for the first time since we started this whole buying a house process,

feeling butterflies about our decision.

I know that this is all going to work out.

I am SOO grateful that my parents are letting us live here while we do though...

do you know how much money and stress it's saved us??

I'm excited to finally get going with everything...

and SO glad that I can actually move to part time after Kali is born!!

The Keeper of the Stars

This is the song that Tyson and I danced to at our wedding.

It's our song.

The Keeper of the Stars is the reason for everything.

The reason we found each other

and

The reason we are having a baby.

This blog is showing what the Lord has given us.

It helps me remember that all of this couldn't have been done without Him.

This blog is proof that we are blessed.