30 DC #17

17. things that make you scared.

Well,

I'm not sure if this wants me to name 17, or just things in general.

So,

I'll name my top five.

1. Something happening to Kalista.

2. Something Happening to Tyson. Especially while he's at work.

3. Spiders

4. my imagination when it's late at night and I'm wide awake while everyone is sleeping.

5. Noises that the house makes when I'm home alone.

30 DC #16

16. three things you are proud about your personality.

This is the hardest question so far.

But here we go:

 

1. My OCD as far as being clean goes.

I'm not saying my house is always clean, I'm saying that when I AM cleaning, it's never clean enough for me. It's way better than my house always being a mess right?

2. I'm organized. for the most part.

3. I'm not fake. :)



30 DC #8

8. something you’re currently worrying about.

Well...I guess the first thing that comes to my mind is,

Leaving Kali for a whole day and night for mine and Tyson's Anniversary.

She'll be with my parents,

but I still have never ever been away from her for so long.

MEH.

It's going to be so hard!!

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 :)

ten. Favorite Places to be. 
in no particular order...
1. in bed, sleeping, while cuddling up with my sexy husband and beautiful daughter

2. at home, playing with my baby and hubby

3. on a date with Tyson, anywhere, just with him on a date

4. Lagoon or some kind of theme park
5. Swimming

6. out with friends

7. somewhere with an ocean

8. Visiting and playing with Dustin, Andrea and Avery

9. Dancing

10. Shopping for Kalista

nine. Weird things about me

1. I love to take baths

2. I have extreme insomnia. So while my baby is sound alseep (like right now), I'm wide awake with 100000 things going through my head.

 3. I'm SUPER cheap and usually won't by something unless it is on sale or I get some kind of deal on it.

 4. I hate clothes shopping for myself [when i'm purchasing it..] and will make up any excuse I possibly can to avoid it

 5. I am wayyyy too OCD about some things, especially when it comes to my house and organization.

 6. I have to run and jump when I'm getting on a bed that someone could fit under...(ever seen "The Sixth Sense"??)

 7. For some reason, when I was pregnant with Kali, I craved, more than anything else, chewing on a sponge. There were times that my mouth would water just thinking about it. (SOOO gross. I don't know where the heck that came from)

 8. I'm an Irish twin. :)

 9. I HATE driving my car. Not because I hate driving, but because it makes me sick to think about how many miles I'm putting on it.

 
eight. Things I am going to do this summer

1. SWIM
2. Lagoon
3. boating (at least I really really really really want to)
4. Taylor Swift Concert with my good pal, Stefanie
5. Get a tan!
6. Figure out how to get rid of Kalista's Acid Reflux!
7. Get my hair done (seriously thinking about cutting it off. I know a lot of new moms do it, but it's starting to BUGG ME)
8. Lose at least 10 pounds

seven. Things I am thinking of. 

1. My husband <3 I miss him. I'm at my Oma's taking care of her tonight, so Kali and I don't get to sleep with him tonight.
2. Kalista Jean
3. The creepy movie that is on the T.V. right now. Not sure what it is.
4. Breastfeeding
5. water. I'm THIRSTY
6. How I am really really really tired, but can't sleep
7. my oma

six. Things I am wearing. 

1. light pink, capri pajamas
2. coast guard t-shirt
3. elastic around my wrist
4. nail polish
5. My wedding ring
6. my undergarments :)

five. Things I am worried about

1. how much sleep I'll get tonight
2. my Oma
3. Kali. I really want her to start feeling better
4. passing the CNA test I have to retake because my license has expired.
5. and, of course, MONEY

four. Things on my floor
well, I'm not home and the floor here is not technically MY FLOOR. So let me think about home...
1. Kali's bouncer
2. *sniff* a trail of partly used laundry detergent left by the comforter that my washer destroyed...that I didn't have a chance to clean up before having to come to Oma's *sniff*
3. my breast pump
4. pillows

three. Things I want to do today

1. Get some sleep since it's 12:30 am
2. Clean my house
3. Go to Target

two. Things I will reveal

1. I am constantly worrying about whether or not I'm a good mom and if I am really doing everything right for Kali
2. I HATE unsolicited advice

one. A Secret

1. Okay, I just barely started admitting this to myself, so this is kinda huge that I'm putting it on here for the world to see: There are a LOT of things I hate about myself.  I mean I know they say, "you're your own worst critic", but really, there are not many things I can think of that I do like about myself. I have been working really really hard, especially since I've been married to change who I am, but sometimes I just think "If I was someone else and I met me, I wouldn't like me" I just feel like I always come off as either grumpy, or that I think I'm better than everyone else.  I am neither of those things, but it has come to my attention that it's the way I come across to people. 

I also hate how I can never explain my feelings to people. Like, I can write my feelings down and everything makes sense in my head, but when it comes to talking about something that I'm upset about, I can't. It always ends up in a huge arguement. Not necessarily with Tyson, I think we are starting to communicate really well, but with other people around me. Particularly my extended family.

We've been trying a lot harder to include the Gospel in our lives more than we have been and I feel like that is helping a lot. But I just feel very misunderstood sometimes. I feel like lately I have burned many bridges and I don't even know why. i.e. EVERYONE I worked with at my job at IMC. I'm SOOOO GLAD I don't work there anymore because everyone. seriously like, 90% of the people there hate my guts. I strongly believe that a lot of the people there are rude, judgemental and insensitive, but besides that, I just feel like I'm sometimes really annoying.

THANK HEAVEN for Tyson. He talks to me about all of this stuff and even helps me figure out how to fix them. Although I have a long long way to go, I think Tyson is ultimately the one that has helped me get as far as I have. I love him SO SO MUCH! 

WOAH that was a long answer to #1. 

haha. 

Anyway. 

Maybe I'll be able to sleep now since I've been staring at the computer for the last 20 minutes. 

CROSS YOUR FINGERS!! :)

Boost my ego

one month old!!

 

Kali's doctor has been really pushing tummy time on me.

Everytime I see him,

he tells me that it's important we get her to do as much tummy time as we can.

Although she hates it,

it will build her neck muscles and keep the back of her head from going flat!

And let me tell you,

she HATES it!!

She cries and moves and fusses the WHOLE time.

I'm not kidding.

I hate it.

Passionately.

However,

Last week I put her down for tummy time while I was folding laundry.

I had my music on.

Well,

She started fussing like normal.
Then,

a song I like came on and I started singing.

Immediately she calmed down.

When the song was over, she started crying.

So I changed it to another song I liked and started singing again.

...she stopped again.

I was quite proud of myself.

My baby likes my voice.

haha

currently she is doing tummy time again.

She was fussing and getting upset.

So I decided to try the music thing again.

She stopped.

only when I sing though.

She starts crying again when I'm not.

Now,

she is asleep.

BTW,

today has been kind of an emotional day.

I literally just finished having a pity party and was crying to Tyson.

Then when I did tummy time and started singing to her...

she made me feel better.

at least my baby loves me :)

and my husband for that matter.

who is currently making me some dinner since once of the things I was crying about was how there is nothing to eat here when I can't have cheese.

[I'm cutting out dairy to see if it helps poor Kali's tummy aches :(]

He found something. <3

Yes, I know I'm a baby.

But sometimes I get emotional.

haha

Self Confidence

I don't have the nicest body in the world.

Actually...

Saying that,

is an understatement.

Since having babies,

my body has never gone back to normal.

I'm not going to lie,

I had a really hard time with it after Avery because

1- I didn't have anything to show for it

and

2- I was very self conscious about what my future husband would think. I felt like he was being jipped.

My skin isn't the kind of skin that easily stretches, and jumps back to normal afterwards.

No,

My skin...hates to stretch.

The stretch marks I had after Avery were beyond crazy.

I had extra skin that just hung there with the more weight I lost.

The ONLY way to get rid of this is by a tummy tuck,

and quite honestly,

why waste my money on that ESPECIALLY when I'm planning on having more kids?

After dating Tyson

and getting married,

he quickly made the fears and insecurities I had about my body go away.

He made me feel sexy. Like I was the hottest girl in the world.

Then,

I found out I was pregnant.

we were obviously SOO ecstatic.

It was hard to see MORE stretch marks come...which I thought was seriously not even possible.

my stomach is literally COVERED..

NOW,

since she's been born.

The other day, I took a bath.

I have lost my belly a lot quicker with this pregnancy than I did with the last.

I think that has something to do with breastfeeding...but who knows for sure?

Anyway,

I was lying there in the bath and I just started crying.

I started thinking about how much I hate my body. I don't understand why it can't just be like MOST women. I work at the hospital and I know that most women don't have this problem to the extent that I do.

Tyson walked in while I was taking a bath and I asked him not to look at me.

I wanted to stay covered up forever. All this extra skin is ridiculous.

The next day,

I was crying again about it.

I can't hide it with my clothes anymore because it's so bad.

Tyson finally intervined.

He told me that he loves me and that I shouldn't care so much about my body cause he thinks I'm hot! :) haha

Really,

I only care about his opinon.

in all honesty.

He's the only one that I want to be sexy for.

and if he thinks I am, then I need to CHILL.

Obviously I need to stay in shape and eat healthy,

but why worry so much about things that I can't control?

I started thinking about how I'm really lucky.

just because my body isn't the most attractive thing in the world,

it's worth it when I look at Kali.

I would prefer to have crappy unstretchable skin,

than to not have her.

If having babies does this to my body,

then SO BE IT.

It's hard to be grateful for the big things

when I am staring at my body...

but when I step back and look at the big picture,

it's all worth it and I wouldn't change it for the WORLD.

So,

BRING ON THE STRETCH MARKS AND THE FLABBY SKIN!

because what I get out of it...

...is SO more than worth it.